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Created by Hannah, Zack, Eleanor, and Olivia
Essay Labels!
- Eleanor (20)
- Hannah Staley (32)
- Olivia (24)
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- Zack (21)
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October
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4 comments:
zack,
your essay was a pleasure to read. Something I liked was the opening paragraph. It really hooked the reader and made we want to read on. One thing you could change though is the closing paragraph. You summarize a lot about the essay and not to much about the paragraph about you! Another thing I noticed are some mixed up sentences. If you just read through you paper you will notice them, and they can be easily fixed. Other then you're set to go! good job zack
~ Hannah
Zack,
The opening paragraph is great, it actually kind of made me laugh when I read that you wanted to walk on the moons of Jupiter, in a good way though:). I agree with Hannah that the last paragraph summarizes a lot about the essay and you could incorporate some things about you. there also might be some punctuation errors.
~Olivia
Zack!!
Your essay was great, as always, i liked how you used the quotes in most of your sentances in the first body paragraph. It helped make the writing smoother and more connected to the topic. I was a little confused though in the first paragraph, where your purposeful repetition was at the time as it's harder to go down the page in search of the repetition, perhaps you could label where the next bit is? Aoart from that great job!
~Eleanor~
*Zack in the last sentance where it says, "Aoart" I really mean, apart.
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