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Created by Hannah, Zack, Eleanor, and Olivia
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- Eleanor (20)
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April
(21)
3 comments:
I like how you connect buudism with the poem "Kindness", "Winter Dreams" and your life...very nice. Watch out for punctuation in the opening though and all through the essay. I think that maybe you should put "side of the road" in qutoes since it says it in the poem.
Zack,
Your essay so far is SUPER. To agree with Olivia I liked the connection between buddhism and the poem, and you also had quite a few nice transitions. I'm going to be annoying and say that you are missing something...try and post it :) Also, the 2nd and 5th sentences of your second body on Winter Dreams are a little plain, you can do better than that! Apart from those though, GOOD job.
~Eleanor
Zack,
Nice job on your essay. The body paragraphs are tightly written and thats a nice thing. My two helpful comments revolve around the opening paragraph. You repeat "that" twice and it is confussing...was it intentional? Also, in your opening paragraph you wrote "there and there" and I can see where it would make sense but I think you need to reword it. Other than that nice job.
- Hannah Staley
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