Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Zack's Essay

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3 comments:

Hannah said...

Zack,
This essay was so good. I really enjoyed the begining of your first body paragraph. It was so well organized and really had me hooked. My first suggestion would be to check over your second body paragraph for puncuation errors. I can't really give you a specific example because there was more than one and they were scattered. My last suggestion would be to rework some things into your closing paragraph. I feel as if it's vague and you can add more WOW to it. Other than that you did a fantastic job and you should be very proud.
- Hannah

April 9, 2009 at 6:10 PM
Eleanor said...

Zack,
AMAZING job on your essay (as always) I especially liked your opening paragraph, you clearly stated what your essay would be about and you made it really interesting too! However, I feel that the last sentence of the opening paragraph was a little strange, wording wise, when you read through it. Perhaps you could get rid of a few words, or even just move them around. Also, I feel that the last sentence in your second body paragraph was a litle boring. You kind of just stated it instead of ading some sort of intricate twist or question that you usually have that make your essay's pop. Apart from that NICE job!

April 9, 2009 at 6:27 PM
Anonymous said...

I agree with eleanor, you always do an AMAZING job on your essay's(i think i say this just about everytime). WHO is C.S. lewis matbe I SHOULd KNOW this but maybe you could explain it me. And also the first sentence of your opening paragraph is very vague and it made me laugh becuase I could picture you reading those lines.

April 10, 2009 at 10:14 AM

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