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Created by Hannah, Zack, Eleanor, and Olivia
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- Eleanor (20)
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April
(21)
5 comments:
Zack!
FANTASTIC job on your essay so far. (Am commenting on the wrong one, because your missing the rest of your essay)I especially liked how you blended the quotes into your writing, it was very nicely done, you should be proud. However in your first body paragraph, second sentence, I think it soundsa little strange how you put "Empty a gesture as it is...". I personnaly think it would flow easier if you moved the as to the front; putting As empty a gesture it is... Apart from that small thing, you have a FINE essay.
~Eleanor
P.S Maybe you could try posting earlier on your next essay. You cut it a little short this time!
I was wondering if i should comment on this, but I decided I should becuase it might help you a little. to add on to eleanor's idea of the second sentence in the first bodym naybe you could put An empty gesture as it is" or something like that. I had this problem too but watch out how you spell "josie's' name. Good start, I can tell you put a lot of thought into these two paragraphs.
nevermind, Jose's name is speeled right but it loooks like JOSE with an accent on the "e" so it just looks wierd haha
Zack,
Nice job on your essay so far, I can tell you spent a lot of time on it. One thing I liked was the tightness of your paragraphs. I only have one suggestion since Eleanor and Olivia took my other one and I don't have the rest of the essay to read. But the first sentence in the second body paragraph read funny to me and maybe you could reword that. Other than that you have a nice start to your essay.
- Hannah
does this computer work?
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