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Created by Hannah, Zack, Eleanor, and Olivia
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April
(21)
3 comments:
Zack,
Nice job on your essay. I liked how all of your quotes were Apt and fit in with your writing nicely. One thing you should look at is the opening paragraph. There are some errors that are clearly visible and it would be a bummer to loose those points! Also, read over the 3rd sentence in the first body paragraph. It reads funny to me and I'm sure all you need to do is reword. Nice job on this essay zack!
- Hannah
i looked it up multitudnous is a word, but it's hard to say...so maybe a different word, i don't think it goes there. Other than that the opening paragraph is really good!!! i know you were up late doing this, but just look over the essay for comma mistakes.
Zack,
GREAT job on your essay this week. To agree with Olivia I know you were up late working on it. I especially liked the second paragraph it flowed together nicely and you had some good quotes. However in your opening paragraph that last sentence doesn't make much sense at all. Perhaps adding in a word or changing the tense on some of the words would make it flow smoother. Also it looks like your missing your closing paragraph...whether you didn't have time or you were planning on putting it in later I don't know but you don't want to lose points on an easy thing like that. Apart from those two things, you have one SWEET essay! :)
~Eleanor
~Eleanor~
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