Hannah Staley
Mr. Salsich
English 9
30 April 2009
Kindess:
An Essay on a Poem, a Short Story and My Life
OP: Kindness is not everywhere. You cannot simply show kindness or feel kindness. It is something that is evanescent and when you find it, embrace it. In the short story “Winter Dreams,” there are many examples of kindness. In my life, I have experienced kindness from family, friends and even strangers. In the poem “Kindness,” there are many examples and demonstrations of kindness.
TS: In the poem “Kindness,” Ms. Nye is diligent when expressing that there are different sorts of kindness. SD: The first demonstration of kindness is when Ms. Nye talks about loosing things. CM: In order for a person to show kindness, they must loose something sentimental to them so they know how it feels. CM: While a person is grieving, it is the job of friends and family to help by showing acts of kindness. SD: The second sort of kindness is simply to be kind to yourself. CM: Sometimes, when you realize you have done well, you need to treat yourself. CM: In the end of the poem, Ms. Nye expresses this by saying it “goes with you everywhere like a shadow or a friend.” CM: She is stating that although you may not always be in the best mood or be having a great day, what it comes down to is treating yourself with kindness.”
TS: Naomi Shihab Nye, a serious writer, a talented woman and a true poet, relates her poem “Kindness” in many ways to the short story “Winter Dreams” (loose sentence). SD: The poem relates to “Winter Dreams” because of how Dexter lost Judy Jones, sassy and determined, the love of his life (appositive). CM: When Ms. Nye writes “How you ride and ride/thinking the bus will never stop,” this can relate back to when Dexter never wanted his time with Judy to end. CM: Ms. Nye might be writing about something different, but these lines also apply to Dexter and how he comes to realize that “you must loose things.” SD: The second way these writings connect is when Ms. Nye writes “It is you I have been looking for.” CM: This line might not seem like much but it ties into the beginning of “Winters Dreams” when Dexter was a lonely boy. CM: Dexter was longing for someone to be with him and to love him and, until the relationship came to a sudden halt that is what happened with Judy Jones. CS: Although “Winters Dreams” doesn’t have much to do with “kindness,” when you examine the poem there are similarities.
TS: My life has many ups and downs, some more significant, some more serious and some that just take time to work through (loose sentence). TS2: In the poem “Kindness” there are many examples that relate to my ups and downs. SD: When Ms. Nye writes “you must lose things,” I can relate. CM: I have lost many things that are dear to me, like my best friend Elena. CM: In the fourth grade she moved to California and my life hasn’t been the same since. CM: Although we talk, it’s not the same as seeing her and getting together to have girl time. SD: The second thing I have lost is family members. CM: In the summer of 2004, we got a call saying my grandfather had died. CM: Being only in the fourth grade, I didn’t know how to deal with death, especially since everything happened suddenly and we were supposed to see him the next day to go on a family vacation. CM: But it was the reverence of the people we knew that made our grieving a little bit easier. CS: Whether it is from loosing a friend or family member, it is always the kindness of people around you that makes difficult times easier.
CP: Whether it is a short story, whether it is a poem, whether it is my life or whether it is all three, kindness is everywhere (Tetracolon climax). It comes in different amounts and is expressed in different ways. One person may find it within another, one may find it through their ups and downs and one may find it in a poem. But through it all, kindness is universal and shows others how you want it to be shown to you.
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Self- Assessment
1. What are you most proud of in this essay?
In this essay I think i did a good job of keeping my sentences tight. This has been something I have been trying to improve in my writing and I think I am almost there.
2. What was the hardest part of the assignment for you?
The hardest part of this assignment would have been all of the requirements. I found it diffucult finding space to fit everything and I feel as though my essay has to many tools.
Grade I give myself: B+
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3 comments:
I think your opening paragraph could use some more eye catching things tomake it more juicy becuase it does not make me want to read your essay. In contrast I LOVE your closing paragraph it really sums up the whole essay. The SD of your first body paragrpah is kind of vague becuase you don't really explain what it says in the poem you just say what it says in the story and it doesn't really make sense.
Hannah,
GREAT job so far onyour essay. I really like how you made each point clearly in your essay. But, in the the first and second body paragraph you have the quote "you must lose things", but you wrote 'lose' as 'loose', so you need to fix that. Also I think you can make the last sentence of the first body paragraph a little more exciting, as it is, it just states the thesis and adds nothing else. Apart from that FANTASTIC job
~Eleanor
Hannah,
Hannah I like the beginning of the sencond body paragraph with the 2 topic sentences to create extra emphasis. I think though that the third body paragraph should come before the first one because it explains a lot of what is happening in there. Then in the topic sentence of the third body paragraph, it just says Nye after the quote. You should try to be consistent in your essay calling her Ms. Nye and then it's just sort of unclear not saying "by Ms. Nye". Good Job though.
Zack
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