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Created by Hannah, Zack, Eleanor, and Olivia
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- Eleanor (20)
- Hannah Staley (32)
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February
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3 comments:
Zack,
You have done a NICE job on your essay. You use many cleverly phrased sentences, and your ideas are very well supported. However I do feel that you use to many long sentences, and should consider shortening a few to make a more varied essay. However apart from that you have done a GREAT job.
~Eleanor~
Zack,
Your opening paragraph was outstanding. It was nicely done and you should be proud. One thing though that did confuse me about that paragraph was the 2nd to last sentence in the bosy paragraph. Everything seemed to fit in but that. Also, the opening sentence of your 1st body paragraph was a tad confussing. Other than that you did a nice job!
- Hannah
How did you come up with such a good opening paragraph! What is your secret?! This is just a suggestion and I am quite bad at picking out comma mistakes, but in the first sentence of the concluding paragraph, that sentence needs one, I think, and I'm sure a smart boy like you could figure out if I'm right or wrong. Also the last sentence might need a comma, also.
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