Hannah Staley
Mr. Salsich
English 9
February 17, 2009
Music is Universal
An essay on Caliban and myself
OP: Music is a great thing. It’s there for you to offer comfort and support. It is there to help you go into a dreaming state, a state of complete and utter pleasure. When analyzing the character Caliban from The Tempest and thinking about myself, we really connect. We both find music as a stress reliever and a really powerful thing.
TS: Music is a type of escape that can “give delight” and make you feel many different emotions. TS2: In the play The Tempest by William Shakespeare, music has quite an effect on the ever changing Caliban. SD: Caliban is the type of guy who does things without thinking, which gets him into bad situations. CM: Music is his only escape because it’s the only thing he can relate to. CM: When his ears are “full of noises” the only thing he can think about is what he is hearing. CM: He knows that music will never be his enemy, but will work with him to offer comfort. SD: Caliban also enjoys music because it puts him in a different world mentally. CM: When sounds enter his head, it is like he is in “the clouds”, “dreaming.” CM: It’s like a high that keeps reoccurring every time he hears the melody of a song. SD: Finally, this music transforms him from one type of person into another. CM: Sometimes the grouchiest people can come to their senses by listening to a calm and relaxing song. CM: Caliban is one of those people who needs music. CM: He needs music because it helps him get through his day and also acts as a healer. CS: Although Caliban has done some pretty crazy things, it’s always seems to be the music that brings him back to reality.
TS: Wondering what is going to play next on my ipod, I lay on my bed in silence. (Appositive as a sentence opener) SD: Music is one of the only things in my life that can keep me hooked for an extended period of time. CM: When a song comes on I like, I listen closely. (Short sentence) CM: I listen to the words, the beat, and the melody (purposeful repetition). CM: Everything that is pouring out of those speakers is like magic. SD: I know that when I listen to music, I not only listen to the instrumentals, but the lyrics. CM: By listening to the lyrics, you can find out something new about the artist and maybe you can even relate. CM: By relating to the music, I fell that is has had a bigger impact on me. SD: But, my favorite thing about music would probably be the freedom. CM: By listening to music you can feel a sense of happiness, the thrill. (compound complex sentence)CM: You can feel yourself get lost in this comforting, soothing noise. CS: Music is truly a universal thing. CS: Music helps heal hearts, express feelings and show unity.
CP: Whether it is a William Shakespeare character or I, music is a big thing. Music helped us both dream and just enjoying the peace and quiet. Music made us realize that you can be transformed by listening to a simple song. Music helped us realize that we would be empty without it.
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3 comments:
Hannah,
your writing is always very smooth and has good tansitions. I don't seem to get the sense that yoyu checked it over thoroughly. There puncuation mistakes, that can easily be fixed and don't forget to put "The Tempest" in quotes. Also I don't think you used all of the requirements, but maybe skipped over them.
Hannah!
NICE job on your essay. You have some nice points and i love the first sentence in the second body paragraph. HOwever, in the first body, you say "Caliban is the type of guy" i feel that that is a little to casual, i know that it is hard to describe Caliban but perhaps you could find a different word. Also in your introduction the last sentence is a bit awkward. When you add "a really powerful thing" it makes it read funny. So perhaps you could play with those words a bit. Apart from that you have a SWEET essay.
Hannah,
I like this essay. (short sentence) This essay has a very good flow and rythm, it no longer feels like an academic essay mainly because of the variety in your sentences. Your quotes though are often just one word which doesn't seem like you are taking advantage of them. It's hard to tell what your quoting and why. Longer quotes allow to precisely say something without altering the authors intent. Try working on the sencond commentary in the first detail of the first body paragraph. And as far as I can tell the compound complex sentence is not really one. I think that that is just a simple sentence with an appositive, which is good though. In the immortal words of Mary Poppins, "Practically perfect in every way."
Zack
I hope you had fun at NYLSC, I want to hear about it!
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