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Created by Hannah, Zack, Eleanor, and Olivia
Essay Labels!
- Eleanor (20)
- Hannah Staley (32)
- Olivia (24)
- The Tempest (2)
- Zack (21)
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3 comments:
Hahaha i love how you have something else in brakets soooooo great! Other than that though your opening is really good. Check for punctuation though! Look out for unnessacary words especially in the first sentence of the first body paragraph.
Zack,
NICE job on your essay. I love your concluding paragraph. I'm really confused though, what the paragraph about your grandmother is doing when it cuts off part of your first sentence, is that done purposly?? or is it like a typo thing?? I think you should clear that up. Also the second sentence of your first body is a little disjointed, and sounds funny when you read it, so you should put in another word, maybe an 'and', but I'm not exactly sure what your trying to say there either, so maybe ignore the 'and'. That was probably all a little confusing (I just re-read my comment over) sorry, there is never much to criticise about your essays. :)
~Eleanor
Zack,
Nice job on your essay, I really liked the first sentence of the first body paragraph. It was really catchy and flowed well. My first suggestion would be to look at when you put something else in brackets in the opening paragraph. You get points for making it funny, but is it appropriate for a high school paper? My last suggestion would be to look over the sentence in your third body paragraph when you write "As she died...." This sentence needs to be relooked at because I think it has potential to make more sense. Other than that, nice job!
- Hannah Staley
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