Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 21, 2009
Transformation in Life:
An Essay on a Garden Stone, a Passage and My Life
OP: A passage by Rainer Maria Rilke, my life and a garden stone. Three things that are different yet have more in common regarding transformation than you think. This passage is very meaningful to me as well as connecting to my life. Also, a garden stone has a lot to do with transformation once you look at it carefully and examine (FAST) its appearance.
TS: When I hear the word “meaningful” I think of what connects most to me and what I most agree with. SD: In this case I mostly agree and relate to the first passage. CM: This passage is meaningful to me because I agree that everyone goes through transformation. CM: I agree that everyone goes through a time where they develop their personality and grow as a person. SD: Also, I like how Mr. Rilke says that transformation is good and bad. CM: I feel as though many of us are experimenting like normal teenagers and the decisions we make will transform us in some way, whether it be large or small. CM: It’s almost as though these transformations may be awful, but in the end it is a learning experience. CM: The same goes for if it is a positive transformation. CM: If the transformation is positive then everyone will know about it and you will become a better human being. CS: Transformation means a lot to me and I am really glad that the first Rilke passage gave me an opportunity to explore this topic.
TS: A garden stone and the first passage by Rainer Maria Rilke have a lot more in common than you think. SD: For instance, a garden stone goes through many transformations of its own. CM: It must be placed, it must be arranged, it must be cut correctly, it must be sturdy and most of all it must be able to perform its task (tetracolon climax). CM: In other words, if the rock isn’t right from the beginning it must go through some changes so it can execute (FAST) its job correctly. SD: The next reason the garden stone is connected to the passage is that the stone has meaning. CM: As small as that garden stone may be, it’s only a small piece to the puzzle. CM: For example, if that garden stone were to permanently be taken away from the other stones, the path would have a hole in it and it could become dangerous to other people. CM: Also, the stone would be taken away from its job and it would now have to face a new transformation wherever it ends up. CS: So, even though stones aren’t living, they need to face transformation to. CS: Sometimes that change is a positive thing and other times it is negative.
TS: The first passage, about transformations we must go through in life, by Rainer Maria Rilke relates to me than the second one (appositive as an opener). SD: I feel this way because transformation has been a huge part of my life whether it has been significant change or not. CM: When he writes “Life is transformation,” I one hundred percent agree with that. CM: I find that everything I do in some way effects my life therefore it is transforming me. CM: I also feel this with the people I am close to. CM: I feel as though sometimes I can feel the transformation they are going through and it changes my opinion or emotions. SD: One transformation that really stands out to me is the class of 2009. CM: I’m not really focused on the transformation that is coming up in three weeks but rather in the transformation that got us here. CM: I can honestly say that each student in this class has transformed me in some way whether that is a good or bad thing. CS: Although it is sad to see my transformation process end with these twenty-two people, I know it will continue at my new school and I hope to become a better person each and every day.
CS: The less transformation happens in your life, the more it affects you (antithesis). There are good transformations and there are bad ones. So, transformation is confusing but it happens to you every day in some little way and makes you who you are. But, we simply must come to realize that transformation is something completely out of our control but when it does happen, it may be a learning experience (participial phrase as a closer).
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Hannah's Essay (no tools)
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4 comments:
Hannah!
I especially liked your paragraph comparing the stone to the passage, you had some nice connections. One sentence reads funny to me though, and thats the second one in the concluding paragraph, perhaps adding a word after the comma would do the trick? I also think that you shoud be saying who the passage is by in the first body paragraph before the 5th sentence, or people may get confused. Apart from that SUPER job.
~Eleanor
P.S Nice job in the game too,
WE WON!
hannah,
I think you could make your opening paragrph more interesting, it's a little boring. also the first sentence of the first body paragraph is oddly worded. I commend you though on having really good idea's.
Hannah,
It seems like the first two body paragraphs are exactly the same. The one that is just about the meaning in the quote could probably do without referencing you. Both paragraphs are fine on their own; they just become repetitive when their next to each other like that.
To continue my comment:
I do really like the way you tie both of the previous paragraphs into talking about both transformation and meaning. The introductory paragraph seemed to lack the usual punch so you should probably have a look at that.
Zack
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