Hannah Staley
Mr.Salsich
English 9
12 November 2008
An evaluation
An essay on the themes in the essay “The way to Rainy Mountain
By Navarre Scott Momaday
OP: When you read an essay, examine it and talk about it, is it always easy? The answer to this question in my case is no. The essay “The Way to Rainy Mountain” written by Navarre Scott Momaday was a complex essay that made me think deeply. Also, this essay made me have mixed feelings and emotions about what Mr. Momaday is trying to get across.
TS: This essay had noticeably many themes to reminisce about. SD: One theme that we were asked to think about and that I noticed examples of is journey. CM: The Kiowa tribe seemed to find many places in their travels that gave them “perfect freedom” (Momaday 315) and made them experience all nature has to offer. CM: The native people of this tribe seemed to relate to and love nature like it was “their sacred business” (Momaday 314). SD: Another theme that I found in this essay was family. CM: Family played a big role in this essay because the whole tribe was related and acted as one. CM: Also, when one family member dies like Mr. Momaday’s grandmother, they are always remembered and in the family’s heart where ever they go. SD: Finally, the last theme I found in this book was love. CM: These family members traveling together had a lot of boisterous times and started forming new friendships and bonds. CM: They worked together as one to get the job done and make it to their final destination. CS: This essay had many apparent examples of themes, and each one had immense meaning.
CP: Whether it’s from a long journey, your family or love, everything comes together. When you look at each of these topics individually, you don’t really care, but once you see the big picture things start falling into place. You realize that you need all of these components in your life in some way. For example you need a journey. Maybe not the kind of journey the Kiowa’s experienced, but an educational journey. As you can see all of these themes are expressed in this essay and in our lives if you just look at the big picture.
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Hannah --
Be sure to capitalize all important words in your title
"...examine it, and talk..." You need a comma to separate items in a series
Avoid repeating things unnecessarily, like "made me ... made me"
SD: Work on deleting "that" as often as possible. It's often not necessary.
The second CM in the first chunk doesn't seem to be under the umbrella of its SD
"Another theme that I found ... " << Here you probably don't need "that I found". Keep searching for words that actually don't help the writing
The second chunk is nicely unified under a single umbrella!
Hannah, it would have been better to use a quote in each chunk -- don't you think? It's good to give a quote, or at least a SPECIFIC reference to something in the essay, to support each SD.
The last paragraph is sort of vague. Try to make each sentence say something very specific, so a reader understands exactly what you are saying.
DON'T BE DISCOURAGED. I DO SEE STEADY IMPROVEMENT. A "MOST IMPROVED WRITER" AWARD MIGHT EASILY GO TO YOU!
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