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Created by Hannah, Zack, Eleanor, and Olivia
Essay Labels!
- Eleanor (20)
- Hannah Staley (32)
- Olivia (24)
- The Tempest (2)
- Zack (21)
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4 comments:
Zack,
Your second body paragraph of this essay is outstanding. It flows well and reads nicely. One thing I would look at if I were you is the 1st body paragraph. The assignment is to talk about the talk and your reaction and you are mainly summarizing what she talked about and there aren't many examples of your reaction. Also, one minor thing is in the second body paragraph, the third sentence reads a little funny to me. So just check those things and other than that you have a sweet essay
- Hannah
Zack,
Your essay was GREAT. I especially liked the first body paragraph, although Hannah is right, you were supposed to write a reaction. Perhaps you can occasionaly hint about your feelings, this way you wouldn't have to change to much of the paragraph. Also, in the last few sentances of the second body there are a few confusing and possibly unnecessary words that can be fixed. Otherwise, nice job, you should be PROUD!
Zack,
Every time you write an essay it is always really fascinating to read. Your transitions are so smooth and all your paragraphs are always very well written. Like the others, I know you've heard this 2 times already but it was supposed to be a reaction. I'm also going to say to watch out for punctuation. We all make punctuation errors and god knows and so does Mr. Salsich that i make a TON!!!
HI ZACK --
YES, A FINE OPENING (AND HOOKING) PARAGRAPH!
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stirring experience but listening .. COMMA BEFORE THE CONJUNCTION IN A COMPOUND SENTENCE
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SD)She began the discussion by briefly relating to us how she grew up in a largely homophobic United States. ...ZACK, THIS SD SUGGESTS THAT THE ENTIRE CHUNK WILL BE ABOUT THE 'HOMOPHOBIC U.S.' BUT IN FACT THE CMs MOVE AWAY FROM THAT UMBRELLA. TRY TO KEEP THE CHUNKS TIGHTLY CONTROLLED.
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with every utterance Olsen can ... COMMA AFTER 'UTTERANCE', FOLLOWING AN INTRODUCTORY ELEMENT.
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YOU HAVE ONLY ONE CM IN THE LAST TWO CHUNKS IN THE FIRST BODY PAR. TRY TO BALANCE THE PARAGRAPHS OUT MORE CAREFULY.
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fun of someone to any degree we ... COMMA AFTER 'DEGREE' FOLLOWING AN INTRODUCTORY ELEMENT. LET'S LEARN THOSE RULES ONCE AND FOR ALL, ZACK.
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THE SECOND BODY PARAGRAPH IS VERY WELL ORGANIZED (THOUGH YOU ARE MISSING A CM).
.......
Remarkable as they might be these stories... COMMA AFTER 'BE' FOLLOWING AN INTRODUCTORY ELEMENT.
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GOOD WORK, ZACK. YOUR INTELLIGENCE SHINES THROUGH EVERY SENTENCE. KEEP WORKING ON THOSE PUNCTUATION RULES. THEY'RE AS IMPORTANT AS THE RULES IN A SOCCER GAME.
MR. SALSICH
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