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Created by Hannah, Zack, Eleanor, and Olivia
Essay Labels!
- Eleanor (20)
- Hannah Staley (32)
- Olivia (24)
- The Tempest (2)
- Zack (21)
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3 comments:
Zack,
Your essay was so fun to read. There is one sentence in the begining that stood out to me and that is when you wrote about how people should "ride out the storm and when the sky clears the answers will be there, in their actions." That sentence to me was beautifully written and really stood out.
Two suggestions I would give is to maybe make your introduction more interesting. Once I started reading the essay it was really good, but a stronger begining would make it even better. Suggestion number two would be to maybe shorten how many quotes you use from the two pieces of writing in your whole essay. I think that maybe you used to many, and it would be nicer and flow better if you didn't use so many. Other than that, AWESOME JOB!!
- Hannah Staley
Zack!
Your essay was amazing. the part i loved was when you said, 'that milk and cookies would go well together, but these would have no meanings, no memories,' it really stood out when i read it.
One of the suggestions that i would give is that maybe some of your sentences could be a little shorter. They are all very good, but perhaps some difference in the lengths would be nice. Also, some of your sentances don't fit together completely. Like in the end of your second paragraph when you say that Rilke uses the word, 'live' four times.
:) :) :)
Eleanor
Your essay makes a lot of sense it is very well written and thought out! You obviously spent a long time on this. Good Job!
It could just be the way the essay is formatted, but the ideas should be broken up into more distinct paragraphs.
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