Olivia Denison
Mr. Salsich
English 9
June 4th, 2009
What Makes You “Sing?” :
An Essay about Overcoming Obstacles in Life by Relating a Poem to Two Books
What are the obstacles you have overcome? What was in you way that made it hard for you to fight your way back into control? The fictional characters, Sonny and Caliban had obstacles they had to overcome, in order to manipulate (FAST) their lives, to gain control.
In the story “Sonny’s Blues”, the main character Sonny has problems with using drugs. In the poem “The Real Work”, By Wendell Berry, he talks about how the stream that’s “impeded […] is the one that sings.” Sonny’s problem with drugs in his life is like a river having to flow through rocks. (SIMILE) At first he doesn’t know what to do about these “rocks”, but he eventually overcomes them. For Sonny, it is hard to choose between the life of drugs and a sober life, that is his “real journey”. Sonny may have wanted the drugs, but he knew that choosing a life with no drugs would be better for him and everyone he knew. He had been following the life of drugs for so long, that when it was time to choose it was a long and hard journey for him to figure out what to do next, and how it would transform (FAST) him. After his fight with drugs, he is still fighting the urge to want them, but those urges are what make him “sing.”
Caliban, from Shakespeare’s “The Tempest”, has a similar but different situation from Sonny. Caliban is imprisoned, on what used to be his island, and now he is a slave to the all and mighty Prospero. Just like a river, Caliban’s life was smooth before he was enslaved by Prospero. Being a slave, he has to follow Prospero’s orders, which makes his life miserable. At the end of the story, Prospero decides Caliban’s fate, to let him be a free man. Caliban is once again a big flowing “river”, now that Prospero is gone. His life or “river” sings with his misfortunes (FAST), his “rocks.” Nothing can stop him from smoothly flowing over his strained past.
Try as hard as you can to over come the obstacles in your life, big or small. Choose the path that you think is right, and fight as hard as you can against the force, of whatever is pushing back.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Hannah's Essay
Hannah Staley
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 27, 2009
Influences:
An Essay on a Poem by William Wordsworth and My Life
OP: Discovering yourself and making the right decisions is quite a journey. Some of the things you do may be influenced by nature, family, and friends. In William Wordsworth’s case, nature inspires and brings out the best in him. In my case, my seventh grade year really caused me to break open my shell and out of my comfort zone.
TS: How could William Wordsworth have known as he first stood on the banks of the river Wye that in five years he would identify the river and the nature around it as a metaphor for many of life’s experiences? SD: In his poem, “Tintern Abbey,” he consistently returns to how his decisions and character have been influenced by nature. CM: Wordsworth refers to nature as being “the anchor of my purest thoughts, the nurse, the guide, the guardian of my heart, and soul of all my moral being.” CM: This quote is strongly stating the power and influence that nature can have over and on ones life. SD: Upon returning to Tintern Abbey, he compares how the river and its surroundings have aged and matured as he has. CM: He states “though changed, no doubt, from what I was when first I came among these hills; when I bounded o’er the mountains…” CM: He is saying that the landscape has changed, perhaps not as much has he has, but his view of the landscape has changed a great deal. CS: “Tintern Abbey” is a reflection on how Wordsworth’s assessment of his past changes over five years.
TS: “Five years have past,” and for those five years Pine Point School has been my home base. SD: If I were to come back in five years I would love to come and sit in one of the sofas in the seventh grade classroom. CM: In seventh grade I learned a lot and developed my character. CM: I learned to make smart decisions regarding my social life and academic life. CM: I learned that it’s good to voice your opinion and stand up for what you believe is right. SD: Finally, I learned (purposeful repetition) to be my own person. CM: I can remember my classmates and teachers showing me “acts of kindness and love” that only made my transition easier. CM: I often think that if these people never came into my life I would still be the shy girl I was before. CS: From fifth grade to ninth grade, I have had my fair share of ups and downs but I find that my seventh grade year was my breakthrough year.
Old memories are what keep us smiling and old pieces of history are what keep us learning. Even though we may not have seen Tintern Abbey, it is an astonishing (FAST) piece of architecture that has influenced some of the greatest writers. The seventh grade, a time that everyone goes through, may not be an influencing time as well (participle). Maybe, when we really find a place we enjoy, we should try to hold on to it. Try to keep the memories and learning experiences close to our hearts because “that time has passed” and you can never go back.
Self- Assessment:
1) What issues are you working on? I am still working on eliminating unnecessary words. I have made some progress over the past couple of month but there is always room for improvement.
2) What do you like best about this essay? I really like the opening paragraph and the first body paragraph. They are strong pieces of writing and they flow nicely.
3) A possible weakness? A weakness in this paper would be my closing paragraph. I feel as though I could enhance it more and make it more complete.
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 27, 2009
Influences:
An Essay on a Poem by William Wordsworth and My Life
OP: Discovering yourself and making the right decisions is quite a journey. Some of the things you do may be influenced by nature, family, and friends. In William Wordsworth’s case, nature inspires and brings out the best in him. In my case, my seventh grade year really caused me to break open my shell and out of my comfort zone.
TS: How could William Wordsworth have known as he first stood on the banks of the river Wye that in five years he would identify the river and the nature around it as a metaphor for many of life’s experiences? SD: In his poem, “Tintern Abbey,” he consistently returns to how his decisions and character have been influenced by nature. CM: Wordsworth refers to nature as being “the anchor of my purest thoughts, the nurse, the guide, the guardian of my heart, and soul of all my moral being.” CM: This quote is strongly stating the power and influence that nature can have over and on ones life. SD: Upon returning to Tintern Abbey, he compares how the river and its surroundings have aged and matured as he has. CM: He states “though changed, no doubt, from what I was when first I came among these hills; when I bounded o’er the mountains…” CM: He is saying that the landscape has changed, perhaps not as much has he has, but his view of the landscape has changed a great deal. CS: “Tintern Abbey” is a reflection on how Wordsworth’s assessment of his past changes over five years.
TS: “Five years have past,” and for those five years Pine Point School has been my home base. SD: If I were to come back in five years I would love to come and sit in one of the sofas in the seventh grade classroom. CM: In seventh grade I learned a lot and developed my character. CM: I learned to make smart decisions regarding my social life and academic life. CM: I learned that it’s good to voice your opinion and stand up for what you believe is right. SD: Finally, I learned (purposeful repetition) to be my own person. CM: I can remember my classmates and teachers showing me “acts of kindness and love” that only made my transition easier. CM: I often think that if these people never came into my life I would still be the shy girl I was before. CS: From fifth grade to ninth grade, I have had my fair share of ups and downs but I find that my seventh grade year was my breakthrough year.
Old memories are what keep us smiling and old pieces of history are what keep us learning. Even though we may not have seen Tintern Abbey, it is an astonishing (FAST) piece of architecture that has influenced some of the greatest writers. The seventh grade, a time that everyone goes through, may not be an influencing time as well (participle). Maybe, when we really find a place we enjoy, we should try to hold on to it. Try to keep the memories and learning experiences close to our hearts because “that time has passed” and you can never go back.
Self- Assessment:
1) What issues are you working on? I am still working on eliminating unnecessary words. I have made some progress over the past couple of month but there is always room for improvement.
2) What do you like best about this essay? I really like the opening paragraph and the first body paragraph. They are strong pieces of writing and they flow nicely.
3) A possible weakness? A weakness in this paper would be my closing paragraph. I feel as though I could enhance it more and make it more complete.
Olivia's Essay
Olivia Denison
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 28, 2009
Finding Things More Beautiful:
An Essay on the Poem “Tintern Abbey”, and Returning to PPS in Five Years
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to visit a place you once went to and visited it five years later? Would it be different? What would some of the memories be when you walked around? These are some of the questions William Wordsworth answers in his poem, “Tintern Abbey.”
In the poem “Tintern Abbey”, William Wordsworth, the author expresses his admiration toward his favorite childhood place. (APPOSITIVE) “Five years have past”, since Wordsworth has visited Tintern Abbey, an old abandoned Catholic church. He has never forgotten about this place and when he returns to visit after five years, he experiences an “unremembered pleasure.” He “[feels] it in [his] blood and [feels] it along [his] heart” when he is walking about Tintern Abbey. Wordsworth seems to be listening and observing to everything that is around Tintern Abbey and each one of these sites stirs another memory. The landscape is quiet; the green fields stretch on forever among trees, hedge-rows and rivers, making his experience there almost whimsical. (PARTICIPLE CLOSER) Tintern Abbey is a secluded area, but placed “‘mid the […] towns and cities” and Wordsworth is looking down on all of the little tiny houses spread around him, thinking about the noise below, while he is up at Tintern Abbey alone. He is truly grateful for this serene (FAST) atmosphere, allowing him to reminisce (FAST) about his life and experiences as a young man at Tintern Abbey.
If I were to visit Pine Point in a few years, it wouldn’t be during school hours. I would want everything around me to be quiet, so I could reflect on certain memories as I stroll around the campus. I also wouldn’t venture inside the building; I would only walk outside for that visit. I would return in the springtime to admire the green fields intersected by the stone walls and the verdant (FAST) forest with its abundant with vegetation and streams. The place that evokes the most memories is the fields behind the LTC, because that’s where many of the funniest moments transpired (FAST). Stealing ice cream and our hands getting all sticky, sledding, kickball and lacrosse are all recollections that I associate with those fields. (TETRA COLON) An evening visit would be the most serene when the sun is setting, the birds are chirping, and everything is fresh and green, just as I remember. (PARALLELISM) This time of day is even more special to me, as it not only represents the end of a glorious day, but also the beginning of another beautiful memory.
So what would you do if you returned to a place you love in five years? Wordsworth’s return to Tintern Abbey could have been bittersweet, but instead inspired warm memories. My return to Pine Point would likely evoke (FAST) the same passion, because there is nothing better than reliving memories that you cherish.
Self-Assessment
Issues I am continuing to work on.
I am continuing to work getting my tools to fit in right, becuase sometimes they don't work. This is mostly my problemexcept for puncuation.
What I like best about my essay.
I like how i use me quotes throughout my essay. I also like how i usd a lot of different tools in my essay.
Weaknesses I see in my essay.
For me this wasn't one of my best eesay's. I wasn't really feeling "It" when I was writing so i feel like I really didn't pay attention to what I was writing.
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 28, 2009
Finding Things More Beautiful:
An Essay on the Poem “Tintern Abbey”, and Returning to PPS in Five Years
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to visit a place you once went to and visited it five years later? Would it be different? What would some of the memories be when you walked around? These are some of the questions William Wordsworth answers in his poem, “Tintern Abbey.”
In the poem “Tintern Abbey”, William Wordsworth, the author expresses his admiration toward his favorite childhood place. (APPOSITIVE) “Five years have past”, since Wordsworth has visited Tintern Abbey, an old abandoned Catholic church. He has never forgotten about this place and when he returns to visit after five years, he experiences an “unremembered pleasure.” He “[feels] it in [his] blood and [feels] it along [his] heart” when he is walking about Tintern Abbey. Wordsworth seems to be listening and observing to everything that is around Tintern Abbey and each one of these sites stirs another memory. The landscape is quiet; the green fields stretch on forever among trees, hedge-rows and rivers, making his experience there almost whimsical. (PARTICIPLE CLOSER) Tintern Abbey is a secluded area, but placed “‘mid the […] towns and cities” and Wordsworth is looking down on all of the little tiny houses spread around him, thinking about the noise below, while he is up at Tintern Abbey alone. He is truly grateful for this serene (FAST) atmosphere, allowing him to reminisce (FAST) about his life and experiences as a young man at Tintern Abbey.
If I were to visit Pine Point in a few years, it wouldn’t be during school hours. I would want everything around me to be quiet, so I could reflect on certain memories as I stroll around the campus. I also wouldn’t venture inside the building; I would only walk outside for that visit. I would return in the springtime to admire the green fields intersected by the stone walls and the verdant (FAST) forest with its abundant with vegetation and streams. The place that evokes the most memories is the fields behind the LTC, because that’s where many of the funniest moments transpired (FAST). Stealing ice cream and our hands getting all sticky, sledding, kickball and lacrosse are all recollections that I associate with those fields. (TETRA COLON) An evening visit would be the most serene when the sun is setting, the birds are chirping, and everything is fresh and green, just as I remember. (PARALLELISM) This time of day is even more special to me, as it not only represents the end of a glorious day, but also the beginning of another beautiful memory.
So what would you do if you returned to a place you love in five years? Wordsworth’s return to Tintern Abbey could have been bittersweet, but instead inspired warm memories. My return to Pine Point would likely evoke (FAST) the same passion, because there is nothing better than reliving memories that you cherish.
Self-Assessment
Issues I am continuing to work on.
I am continuing to work getting my tools to fit in right, becuase sometimes they don't work. This is mostly my problemexcept for puncuation.
What I like best about my essay.
I like how i use me quotes throughout my essay. I also like how i usd a lot of different tools in my essay.
Weaknesses I see in my essay.
For me this wasn't one of my best eesay's. I wasn't really feeling "It" when I was writing so i feel like I really didn't pay attention to what I was writing.
Eleanor's Polished Essay #20 (Last One!)
Eleanor Hilton
9 English
Mr. Salsich
May 26th 2009
The Visit;
An Essay on Growing Older and Looking Back
Sometime or another we all go back to visit something from our past. Whether a memory or you actually travel to the real place, going back is something we can all understand. Three things that also relate to this is "Tintern Abbey", re-visiting Pine Point, and "The Writer".
Over two-hundred years ago William Wordsworth at age 28 wrote his famous five-page long poem "Tintern Abbey". Five summers' have now past since the last time Wordsworth visited this church. He gazes upon the stones that he had played and explored with in his childhood. He realizes that a lot has changed in those five seemingly short years. Before, "[The] colours and [the] forms where then to [him] an appetite". Now, "All its aching joys are now no more"; he is more mature, more responsible. This will or has happened to all of us; what we once enjoyed now seems childish and almost inappropriate. These sort of reflections on your life can give great wisdom on who you are as a person, I am sure that Wordsworth learnt a lot that day.
Not so long ago, Richard Wilber wrote the poem "The Writer". He is narrating his daughter writing a story. She is typing with such a 'bunched clamor' that it makes the narrater 'pause in the stairwell' and contemplate (FAST) his daughter, and the story. He thinks back to the time a starling was trapped in the very same room that the 'commotion of type-writer keys' is now coming from. It took a whole hour until it managed to soar out of the window, happy, excited, free, alive. (Tetracolon Climax) The way the narrator thinks back on the old days is like Wordsworth in his poem. Wilber, unlike Wordsworth however, wasn't in the room but thinking about the room and its uses. This poem is looking back, but in a more figurative way which everybody does from time to time.
These last few weeks of Pine Point life has had a big impact on me. Next year I will no longer walk down that walkway, take my book out of those lockers, or play on the sports teams I have been on for four years. If I was to come back and visit Pine Point in five years time, I would want to say that I would be relieved. I would be back at the school that gave me security and helped me grow. However my thoughts will probably change in five years. It may make me sad to visit Pine Point; after all I will have left my other twenty-one, and it may not be the same. It may also make me happy. I would visit my old teachers and lay on the fields that I laid on those years ago, and perhaps even look for my old locker, just to see if it was still being used.(polysyndeton) No matter what I feel, I know that if I went back to see Pine Point, I would check for any new buildings. Pine Point is always growing and changing, and I wouldn't be surprised if there had been renovations or new constructions.
Whenever I visit Pine Point again I know things will be different, just like things were different for Wordsworth when he re-visited Tintern Abbey in Wales and in the future when 'The Writer' grows up. We grow older and looking back, the you from five years ago may seem like a completely different person.
Extra-Credit Self-Assesment:
1.) I am always trying to work on cutting out the silly quick-fix mistakes. Sometimes it can be difficult for me; maybe I don't have much time or I just missed it.
2.) I especially like my extra-credit paragraph on "The Writer". I spent time on it and used quite a few quotes to enhance and smooth my words.
3.) Some of the sentences in the first body paragraph about "Tintern Abbey" may have some unnecessary words in them, but I tried to sort that out.
9 English
Mr. Salsich
May 26th 2009
The Visit;
An Essay on Growing Older and Looking Back
Sometime or another we all go back to visit something from our past. Whether a memory or you actually travel to the real place, going back is something we can all understand. Three things that also relate to this is "Tintern Abbey", re-visiting Pine Point, and "The Writer".
Over two-hundred years ago William Wordsworth at age 28 wrote his famous five-page long poem "Tintern Abbey". Five summers' have now past since the last time Wordsworth visited this church. He gazes upon the stones that he had played and explored with in his childhood. He realizes that a lot has changed in those five seemingly short years. Before, "[The] colours and [the] forms where then to [him] an appetite". Now, "All its aching joys are now no more"; he is more mature, more responsible. This will or has happened to all of us; what we once enjoyed now seems childish and almost inappropriate. These sort of reflections on your life can give great wisdom on who you are as a person, I am sure that Wordsworth learnt a lot that day.
Not so long ago, Richard Wilber wrote the poem "The Writer". He is narrating his daughter writing a story. She is typing with such a 'bunched clamor' that it makes the narrater 'pause in the stairwell' and contemplate (FAST) his daughter, and the story. He thinks back to the time a starling was trapped in the very same room that the 'commotion of type-writer keys' is now coming from. It took a whole hour until it managed to soar out of the window, happy, excited, free, alive. (Tetracolon Climax) The way the narrator thinks back on the old days is like Wordsworth in his poem. Wilber, unlike Wordsworth however, wasn't in the room but thinking about the room and its uses. This poem is looking back, but in a more figurative way which everybody does from time to time.
These last few weeks of Pine Point life has had a big impact on me. Next year I will no longer walk down that walkway, take my book out of those lockers, or play on the sports teams I have been on for four years. If I was to come back and visit Pine Point in five years time, I would want to say that I would be relieved. I would be back at the school that gave me security and helped me grow. However my thoughts will probably change in five years. It may make me sad to visit Pine Point; after all I will have left my other twenty-one, and it may not be the same. It may also make me happy. I would visit my old teachers and lay on the fields that I laid on those years ago, and perhaps even look for my old locker, just to see if it was still being used.(polysyndeton) No matter what I feel, I know that if I went back to see Pine Point, I would check for any new buildings. Pine Point is always growing and changing, and I wouldn't be surprised if there had been renovations or new constructions.
Whenever I visit Pine Point again I know things will be different, just like things were different for Wordsworth when he re-visited Tintern Abbey in Wales and in the future when 'The Writer' grows up. We grow older and looking back, the you from five years ago may seem like a completely different person.
Extra-Credit Self-Assesment:
1.) I am always trying to work on cutting out the silly quick-fix mistakes. Sometimes it can be difficult for me; maybe I don't have much time or I just missed it.
2.) I especially like my extra-credit paragraph on "The Writer". I spent time on it and used quite a few quotes to enhance and smooth my words.
3.) Some of the sentences in the first body paragraph about "Tintern Abbey" may have some unnecessary words in them, but I tried to sort that out.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Eleanor's Polished Essay #19
Eleanor Hilton
English 9
Mr. Salsich
May 24th 2009
To Touch and To See;
An essay comparing a quote to a garden stone, and my life
Touch and sight are two very important human senses. We do not realize how much they really affect our world. In balance touch and sight will, efficiently and easily, stabilize our environment (Appositive and Alliteration). If hands are used more than necessary they can destroy the world. If eyes are used more than necessary they can destroy us.
Hands are overrated. A famous poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, discusses in his passage that everyday we use them to ‘grasp’ and reach out for everything. He says that touching can be helpful, but the longer we hold on to something, the more we damage it. If we pick a flower from a field and hold it and feel it through your hands we damage it. Yes, it is nice to hold, but now there is one less flower in the field, and if everyone picks one flower we will have an empty, arid (FAST) field. This is not the same with eyes. With eyes you can watch the world and ‘acquire [great] wealth’ and wisdom that will stay with you forever. With eyes you can pass along a story of the field full of flowers, instead of passing around a bent flower that no longer has any value. You have picked it, and now it is worth nothing. Rilkes’ passage really speaks about seeing and touching, especially on a line to do with nature.
Standing with pride, there is a garden stone on one of our English class tables (Participle as an opener and personification). It has been cut by human hands with some care and is supposed to be part of the path from our walkway to the classroom. Like a lot of things in the world, stones are handled, felt, and in the case of our garden stone, tested for quality. Like hands, humans are deleterious (FAST) to the things we ‘grasp’. This stone was selected, cut and smoothed, then sent of to a store where it would be purchased by our school. I am sure the rock would have been perfectly fine just sitting wherever it was; if it could talk it probably wouldn’t want to be what it is right now, a pathway. Now there is one less stone, or one less boulder in a forest for an animal to scurry over. It is too late to just to look; human hands have already started tearing the world apart.
From birth we are taught to reach out and grab the world. We are taught to not just look at something, but if we can, to try it out play around with it in your hands; Rilke’s passage is saying just the opposite. I personally find that you can ‘acquire wealth’, by feeling it. If you are scooping sea water into your hands, you can feel sand, seaweed, shells and the water itself, flying through them. (Tetracolon climax) You can feel what the temperature is, and after the water has flowed through the gaps in your hands, you feel a sticky sensation as some of the salt remains. By just looking at the water, at the great ocean, you can’t tell any of this. Yes, it’s understood that if we hold something too long it can be damaged, I know that, but if we just grasp it for a moment, a second, we can learn a lot more.
Touching and seeing both have their pros and cons. We are all capable of keeping the two in balance, but sometimes we are not. (Antithesis)
English 9
Mr. Salsich
May 24th 2009
To Touch and To See;
An essay comparing a quote to a garden stone, and my life
Touch and sight are two very important human senses. We do not realize how much they really affect our world. In balance touch and sight will, efficiently and easily, stabilize our environment (Appositive and Alliteration). If hands are used more than necessary they can destroy the world. If eyes are used more than necessary they can destroy us.
Hands are overrated. A famous poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, discusses in his passage that everyday we use them to ‘grasp’ and reach out for everything. He says that touching can be helpful, but the longer we hold on to something, the more we damage it. If we pick a flower from a field and hold it and feel it through your hands we damage it. Yes, it is nice to hold, but now there is one less flower in the field, and if everyone picks one flower we will have an empty, arid (FAST) field. This is not the same with eyes. With eyes you can watch the world and ‘acquire [great] wealth’ and wisdom that will stay with you forever. With eyes you can pass along a story of the field full of flowers, instead of passing around a bent flower that no longer has any value. You have picked it, and now it is worth nothing. Rilkes’ passage really speaks about seeing and touching, especially on a line to do with nature.
Standing with pride, there is a garden stone on one of our English class tables (Participle as an opener and personification). It has been cut by human hands with some care and is supposed to be part of the path from our walkway to the classroom. Like a lot of things in the world, stones are handled, felt, and in the case of our garden stone, tested for quality. Like hands, humans are deleterious (FAST) to the things we ‘grasp’. This stone was selected, cut and smoothed, then sent of to a store where it would be purchased by our school. I am sure the rock would have been perfectly fine just sitting wherever it was; if it could talk it probably wouldn’t want to be what it is right now, a pathway. Now there is one less stone, or one less boulder in a forest for an animal to scurry over. It is too late to just to look; human hands have already started tearing the world apart.
From birth we are taught to reach out and grab the world. We are taught to not just look at something, but if we can, to try it out play around with it in your hands; Rilke’s passage is saying just the opposite. I personally find that you can ‘acquire wealth’, by feeling it. If you are scooping sea water into your hands, you can feel sand, seaweed, shells and the water itself, flying through them. (Tetracolon climax) You can feel what the temperature is, and after the water has flowed through the gaps in your hands, you feel a sticky sensation as some of the salt remains. By just looking at the water, at the great ocean, you can’t tell any of this. Yes, it’s understood that if we hold something too long it can be damaged, I know that, but if we just grasp it for a moment, a second, we can learn a lot more.
Touching and seeing both have their pros and cons. We are all capable of keeping the two in balance, but sometimes we are not. (Antithesis)
Hannah's Essay (no tools)
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 21, 2009
Transformation in Life:
An Essay on a Garden Stone, a Passage and My Life
OP: A passage by Rainer Maria Rilke, my life and a garden stone. Three things that are different yet have more in common regarding transformation than you think. This passage is very meaningful to me as well as connecting to my life. Also, a garden stone has a lot to do with transformation once you look at it carefully and examine (FAST) its appearance.
TS: When I hear the word “meaningful” I think of what connects most to me and what I most agree with. SD: In this case I mostly agree and relate to the first passage. CM: This passage is meaningful to me because I agree that everyone goes through transformation. CM: I agree that everyone goes through a time where they develop their personality and grow as a person. SD: Also, I like how Mr. Rilke says that transformation is good and bad. CM: I feel as though many of us are experimenting like normal teenagers and the decisions we make will transform us in some way, whether it be large or small. CM: It’s almost as though these transformations may be awful, but in the end it is a learning experience. CM: The same goes for if it is a positive transformation. CM: If the transformation is positive then everyone will know about it and you will become a better human being. CS: Transformation means a lot to me and I am really glad that the first Rilke passage gave me an opportunity to explore this topic.
TS: A garden stone and the first passage by Rainer Maria Rilke have a lot more in common than you think. SD: For instance, a garden stone goes through many transformations of its own. CM: It must be placed, it must be arranged, it must be cut correctly, it must be sturdy and most of all it must be able to perform its task (tetracolon climax). CM: In other words, if the rock isn’t right from the beginning it must go through some changes so it can execute (FAST) its job correctly. SD: The next reason the garden stone is connected to the passage is that the stone has meaning. CM: As small as that garden stone may be, it’s only a small piece to the puzzle. CM: For example, if that garden stone were to permanently be taken away from the other stones, the path would have a hole in it and it could become dangerous to other people. CM: Also, the stone would be taken away from its job and it would now have to face a new transformation wherever it ends up. CS: So, even though stones aren’t living, they need to face transformation to. CS: Sometimes that change is a positive thing and other times it is negative.
TS: The first passage, about transformations we must go through in life, by Rainer Maria Rilke relates to me than the second one (appositive as an opener). SD: I feel this way because transformation has been a huge part of my life whether it has been significant change or not. CM: When he writes “Life is transformation,” I one hundred percent agree with that. CM: I find that everything I do in some way effects my life therefore it is transforming me. CM: I also feel this with the people I am close to. CM: I feel as though sometimes I can feel the transformation they are going through and it changes my opinion or emotions. SD: One transformation that really stands out to me is the class of 2009. CM: I’m not really focused on the transformation that is coming up in three weeks but rather in the transformation that got us here. CM: I can honestly say that each student in this class has transformed me in some way whether that is a good or bad thing. CS: Although it is sad to see my transformation process end with these twenty-two people, I know it will continue at my new school and I hope to become a better person each and every day.
CS: The less transformation happens in your life, the more it affects you (antithesis). There are good transformations and there are bad ones. So, transformation is confusing but it happens to you every day in some little way and makes you who you are. But, we simply must come to realize that transformation is something completely out of our control but when it does happen, it may be a learning experience (participial phrase as a closer).
Olivia's Essay
Olivia Denison
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 15th, 2009
What is Transformation? :
An Essay on the Meaning of a Quote from Rainer Maria Rilke, Its Comparison to a Stepping Stone and Their Relevance to My Life.
Everyday we experience something that we have to endure. It is the lessons learned from these hardships that matters the most though. Rilke, the author of the quote, asserts (FAST word) that the knowledge gained and the scars that remain make us who we really are. (Appositive)
In the first line of the quote Rilke declares, “All that is good transformation and all that is bad as well.” Rilke seems to be affirming (FAST) that when a deed, whether good or bad, is done, a transformation is reached. Few would argue that those who do good deeds throughout your life will be transformed in a positive way. However, a positive transformation can also result from doing something bad if the person is willing to learn from their mistakes. Rilke also points out that people must make the most of every opportunity and “seize the day.” In the second line of the quote Rilke argues, “He is in the right who encounters everything as something that will not return.” Rilke urges us to forge ahead with a positive feeling and attitude every moment and day. Living in the moment and taking everything in is paramount (FAST), because there might be only one moment like that in a lifetime. A person, who learns from their mistakes or their good deeds and captures every moment, is indeed living to their fullest potential.
Objects and people change over time; we are created in a particular way and through experiences, transform into another being. Any rock you see today formed more than a million years ago by lava or meteor showers. The largest boulder can crumble and become a rock, then a stone, then gravel and pebbles and eventually sand. (Purposeful repetition) Mr. Rilke contends, that “life is transformation: all that is good is transformation and all that is bad as well.” It may be sad that when an object so big and beautiful such as a boulder crumbles, perhaps it was for the better and maybe it was destined to happen. Maybe the “life” of a big rock crumbles because it has been sitting for so long that it wants to split apart to be free in a million pieces. One day, a person may walk past that rock and decide to sculpt it into a stepping stone for a sidewalk and it will once again transform. Once it is set in the dirt and people walk on it for a while, it will begin to wear down, crack, grow moss and, become sunken in places from people standing. It will experience change everyday from the weather and the people who transform it.
I can relate my life to the Rilke quote and the garden stone, because I have transformed over my life span to where I am now. I first started off as a very shy little girl, who had anxiety and used to cry and worry often. Some circumstances (FAST) never change though. I still have anxiety, but I take medication for it, and I still cry when I’m alone; I still worry about things, but not as much, and I still am shy, especially when I speak or address a group. (Tetra colon climax) I have overcome these quirks little by little in my mere (FAST) fifteen years of life. Just like the garden stone, I began as an undefined mass that slowly condensed into simplicity, and then transformed into the person that I am today. I am no longer the tiny person that had trouble focusing, tying her shoe, putting on clothes and not getting her own way. Throughout my life, I have endured many hardships and triumphs, such as breaking my arm, my grandmother dying, and stress from family, friends and school. (Loose sentence) I can remember when I broke my arm the day before my first day of first grade, and I was already very nervous. The weeks following that incident, I had difficulty fitting in because of the combination of the new environment and my injury, but I can remember my classmates comforting me, which helped me greatly. Breaking my arm left a scar that I will never forget, but I am still standing, and so is the garden stone. (Participle phrase sentence closer)Although I am still trying to figure out who I really am, and will continue to do so for many years to come, I have already taken some shape as a person, just like the garden stone.
Endure all that comes your way, hard or easy, rather than give up. (Antithesis) It will be worth it. To make the journey more satisfying, have a good attitude. When you’ve completed your journey, flaunt (FAST) your scars to show how much you’ve been through and tell the story that comes along with it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Self Assessment
Writing Issues I’m continuing working on.
I am continuing to work on making all of my tools APT. I have had trouble with this recently, I think it’s mostly because I don’t know how to use them and know what they are and do.
Some strong points I see.
I really like my last paragraph. It was the easiest one for me to write and the words just flowed out of me.
Some weak points I see.
I used some tools for extra-credit, and maybe some of them aren't right, but at least I tried. I think that some of them are right though.
Grade I would give myself.
A
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 15th, 2009
What is Transformation? :
An Essay on the Meaning of a Quote from Rainer Maria Rilke, Its Comparison to a Stepping Stone and Their Relevance to My Life.
Everyday we experience something that we have to endure. It is the lessons learned from these hardships that matters the most though. Rilke, the author of the quote, asserts (FAST word) that the knowledge gained and the scars that remain make us who we really are. (Appositive)
In the first line of the quote Rilke declares, “All that is good transformation and all that is bad as well.” Rilke seems to be affirming (FAST) that when a deed, whether good or bad, is done, a transformation is reached. Few would argue that those who do good deeds throughout your life will be transformed in a positive way. However, a positive transformation can also result from doing something bad if the person is willing to learn from their mistakes. Rilke also points out that people must make the most of every opportunity and “seize the day.” In the second line of the quote Rilke argues, “He is in the right who encounters everything as something that will not return.” Rilke urges us to forge ahead with a positive feeling and attitude every moment and day. Living in the moment and taking everything in is paramount (FAST), because there might be only one moment like that in a lifetime. A person, who learns from their mistakes or their good deeds and captures every moment, is indeed living to their fullest potential.
Objects and people change over time; we are created in a particular way and through experiences, transform into another being. Any rock you see today formed more than a million years ago by lava or meteor showers. The largest boulder can crumble and become a rock, then a stone, then gravel and pebbles and eventually sand. (Purposeful repetition) Mr. Rilke contends, that “life is transformation: all that is good is transformation and all that is bad as well.” It may be sad that when an object so big and beautiful such as a boulder crumbles, perhaps it was for the better and maybe it was destined to happen. Maybe the “life” of a big rock crumbles because it has been sitting for so long that it wants to split apart to be free in a million pieces. One day, a person may walk past that rock and decide to sculpt it into a stepping stone for a sidewalk and it will once again transform. Once it is set in the dirt and people walk on it for a while, it will begin to wear down, crack, grow moss and, become sunken in places from people standing. It will experience change everyday from the weather and the people who transform it.
I can relate my life to the Rilke quote and the garden stone, because I have transformed over my life span to where I am now. I first started off as a very shy little girl, who had anxiety and used to cry and worry often. Some circumstances (FAST) never change though. I still have anxiety, but I take medication for it, and I still cry when I’m alone; I still worry about things, but not as much, and I still am shy, especially when I speak or address a group. (Tetra colon climax) I have overcome these quirks little by little in my mere (FAST) fifteen years of life. Just like the garden stone, I began as an undefined mass that slowly condensed into simplicity, and then transformed into the person that I am today. I am no longer the tiny person that had trouble focusing, tying her shoe, putting on clothes and not getting her own way. Throughout my life, I have endured many hardships and triumphs, such as breaking my arm, my grandmother dying, and stress from family, friends and school. (Loose sentence) I can remember when I broke my arm the day before my first day of first grade, and I was already very nervous. The weeks following that incident, I had difficulty fitting in because of the combination of the new environment and my injury, but I can remember my classmates comforting me, which helped me greatly. Breaking my arm left a scar that I will never forget, but I am still standing, and so is the garden stone. (Participle phrase sentence closer)Although I am still trying to figure out who I really am, and will continue to do so for many years to come, I have already taken some shape as a person, just like the garden stone.
Endure all that comes your way, hard or easy, rather than give up. (Antithesis) It will be worth it. To make the journey more satisfying, have a good attitude. When you’ve completed your journey, flaunt (FAST) your scars to show how much you’ve been through and tell the story that comes along with it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Self Assessment
Writing Issues I’m continuing working on.
I am continuing to work on making all of my tools APT. I have had trouble with this recently, I think it’s mostly because I don’t know how to use them and know what they are and do.
Some strong points I see.
I really like my last paragraph. It was the easiest one for me to write and the words just flowed out of me.
Some weak points I see.
I used some tools for extra-credit, and maybe some of them aren't right, but at least I tried. I think that some of them are right though.
Grade I would give myself.
A
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Eleanor's Polished Essay #18
Eleanor Hilton
English 9
Mr. Salsich
May 6th 2009
Parting; How Do You Take It?
A Comparison of Two Poems and My Life
Parting is a very broad term. We have all experienced it one time or another, and most of us don’t like it. There are two poems, “My Life Closed Twice” and “Adios, and an experience from my life that I feel relates to the word parting.
The first poem that compares to parting is Emily Dickinson’s “My Life Closed Twice”. An interesting thing about this poem is that it stays on track with its theme. Other poems however stop halfway through and drift off elsewhere with an idea. This means that Dickinson’s poem is entirely about parting. Parting happens to all of us, yet Emily Dickinson describes it in a way that is often difficult. “Parting is all we know of heaven”, we will always be looking for a way to describe heaven, but the only thing we will ever find or know about it is that that’s where we go after we have parted this world. “And all we need of hell”, whenever someone dies and leaves us on this Earth we are in ‘hell’. It takes us a long while to get back to being mundane (FAST) again, and then things may never be the same. Even though Emily Dickinson’s writing is often confusing, “My Life Closed Twice” made a lot of sense to me.
The second poem "Adios" by Naomi Shihab Nye also has a lot to do with parting. To begin with, the word "Adios" means goodbye in Spanish, so whenever you say the word it is usually to someone or something you are parting with. Also in every stanza Ms. Nye has a words to do with parting- 'departure', 'go', 'finished', 'disappear', and even a phrase 'brings tears into your eyes'. (Loose sentence) Secondly Ms. Nye says that it is 'a good word' no matter what your 'language' is. This is saying that no matter who you are and wherever you are, you will experience parting many times. Thirdly, Ms. Nye also writes a lot of metaphors about adios and parting. One of my favourites it, "Wear [parting] on your finger / till your hands dance / touching everything easily". It reminds me a lot of the ups and dwons of parting; how in the beginning you deny you are leaving someone and then it crashes down on you like a wave, and finally after days of trouble and grief you begin to feel better. Naomi Shihab Nye's poem is full of parting and how it can bring sorrow, joy and may sometimes be benevolent (FAST). Even though the poem can be a little confusing, I enjoy reading it over and over.
Like "Adios" and "My Life Closed Twice", I have experienced parting in my life. At age eleven I was called into the kitchen where I was shown a map of the US. Letters spelling strange cities and things called states stared up and me from the blue and green paper. I was surprised, I wondered whether this was some strange geography test, I was wrong. With a sad face my parents told me this would be are new home as they pointed to a word that spelled Connecticut. We would be leaving my home and that was that. I would have to part with my friends, some of which I had known since the age of three, my school, my town, my favourite shops, and my house. This is the only time in my life so far where I have had to part so much. It wasn't over though, we moved on October 30 and lived in the Marriott Residence Inn for 84 days until we had bought our house. I had parted everything, but like the two poems my life, there was an upside near the end. I love here in the US, much more than I thought that sad day in July, although I haven't liked maps much ever since.
From one side of the world to the other, parting is everywhere. (periodic) However as sad as parting is, there is nearly always an upside or a twist in the story of our lives that makes everything better.
English 9
Mr. Salsich
May 6th 2009
Parting; How Do You Take It?
A Comparison of Two Poems and My Life
Parting is a very broad term. We have all experienced it one time or another, and most of us don’t like it. There are two poems, “My Life Closed Twice” and “Adios, and an experience from my life that I feel relates to the word parting.
The first poem that compares to parting is Emily Dickinson’s “My Life Closed Twice”. An interesting thing about this poem is that it stays on track with its theme. Other poems however stop halfway through and drift off elsewhere with an idea. This means that Dickinson’s poem is entirely about parting. Parting happens to all of us, yet Emily Dickinson describes it in a way that is often difficult. “Parting is all we know of heaven”, we will always be looking for a way to describe heaven, but the only thing we will ever find or know about it is that that’s where we go after we have parted this world. “And all we need of hell”, whenever someone dies and leaves us on this Earth we are in ‘hell’. It takes us a long while to get back to being mundane (FAST) again, and then things may never be the same. Even though Emily Dickinson’s writing is often confusing, “My Life Closed Twice” made a lot of sense to me.
The second poem "Adios" by Naomi Shihab Nye also has a lot to do with parting. To begin with, the word "Adios" means goodbye in Spanish, so whenever you say the word it is usually to someone or something you are parting with. Also in every stanza Ms. Nye has a words to do with parting- 'departure', 'go', 'finished', 'disappear', and even a phrase 'brings tears into your eyes'. (Loose sentence) Secondly Ms. Nye says that it is 'a good word' no matter what your 'language' is. This is saying that no matter who you are and wherever you are, you will experience parting many times. Thirdly, Ms. Nye also writes a lot of metaphors about adios and parting. One of my favourites it, "Wear [parting] on your finger / till your hands dance / touching everything easily". It reminds me a lot of the ups and dwons of parting; how in the beginning you deny you are leaving someone and then it crashes down on you like a wave, and finally after days of trouble and grief you begin to feel better. Naomi Shihab Nye's poem is full of parting and how it can bring sorrow, joy and may sometimes be benevolent (FAST). Even though the poem can be a little confusing, I enjoy reading it over and over.
Like "Adios" and "My Life Closed Twice", I have experienced parting in my life. At age eleven I was called into the kitchen where I was shown a map of the US. Letters spelling strange cities and things called states stared up and me from the blue and green paper. I was surprised, I wondered whether this was some strange geography test, I was wrong. With a sad face my parents told me this would be are new home as they pointed to a word that spelled Connecticut. We would be leaving my home and that was that. I would have to part with my friends, some of which I had known since the age of three, my school, my town, my favourite shops, and my house. This is the only time in my life so far where I have had to part so much. It wasn't over though, we moved on October 30 and lived in the Marriott Residence Inn for 84 days until we had bought our house. I had parted everything, but like the two poems my life, there was an upside near the end. I love here in the US, much more than I thought that sad day in July, although I haven't liked maps much ever since.
From one side of the world to the other, parting is everywhere. (periodic) However as sad as parting is, there is nearly always an upside or a twist in the story of our lives that makes everything better.
Hannah's Polished Essay
Hannah Staley
Mr. Salsich
English 9
11 May 2009
Parting is Never Easy:
An Essay on Two Poems and My Life
OP: Parting forever- an awful combination of feeling and emotion is something no one should have to deal with(Loose Sentence). Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is say goodbye, especially to the ones you love most. The poem “My life closed twice” by Emily Dickinson, “Adios” by Naomi Shihab Nye and my life have a lot to do with this parting process and what it really is and means.
TS: Leaving something important is not an easy thing. In the poem “My life closed twice” by Emily Dickinson, the poem talks about parting with the earth. SD: The poem states that life is “so huge, [and] so hopeless to conceive” all at once, so we should take time to realize the joys that it brings. CM: She seems to be saying that if all you do in life is rush, then you will never have the time to enjoy it. CM: You will never have time to learn and be human, instead your life closes. SD: The last way this poem relates to parting, is death. CM: In the end of the poem Ms. Dickinson states “Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.” CM: This statement is saying that there is a place for everyone in the afterlife and that parting is a stage of life that everyone must go through whether you think it is pleasant or not. CS: Parting can mean different things. It can be about parting with your feelings in life or it can be about parting this very earth. But even if you haven’t felt that sense of parting, you will because it’s a part of life.
TS: Adios in Spanish means goodbye and goodbye could be said in many different contexts. TS2: In the poem “Adios” by Naomi Shihab Nye, there is a lot to do with parting. SD: In the poem, Ms. Nye states that “the word explains itself.” CM: I agree with Ms. Nye because parting and adios do have the same meaning, and in the same situation, they could have the same effect. CM: Both words could be taken lightly or could be taken quite harshly, but in the end they are the same word. SD: The last way this poem relates to parting is when Ms. Nye writes “it is a good word.” CM: I agree with this statement because in some cases saying goodbye is a good thing even though it may not be easy. CM: I know that coming up in June it is going to be extremely difficult to say goodbye to all of these wonderful people, but maybe our distance will bring us closer. CS: Whether it is saying adios or simply parting, it is all part of your life and you simply must deal with it even though it may not be the easiest thing in the world.
TS: In my life I have had to part with many people and objects, and it’s never easy. SD: Since I was born I lived in the big town of Stamford, Connecticut and I knew this place as nothing other than home. CM: In June of 2004, I can remember being dismissed from my fourth grade classroom early and making my rounds around the school to say goodbye to all of the people I have come to known and love. CM: As I strolled diligently through the hallway, it became clear to me that I was never going to enter the doors of Newfield Elementary School and I was now on my own. SD: Another event that required me to part was when I had to give up my stuffed animal dog named Snuggles, due to me becoming a “big girl”. CM: Snuggles was not only a friendship dog, but a companion. CM: I can remember the night before coming to Pine Point and just squeezing Snuggles hoping he could turn my pain into something positive. CM: Although he didn’t have that power, I knew he was by my side. SD: Lastly, a situation that caused me to part was when my best friend Elena moved to California. CM: Elena and I were basically brought together at birth. CM: We learned to walk together, we talked a secret language together and even created a T.V. show together, we were sisters. CM: I still look back on those memories and miss Elena dearly. CM: She was the definition of a true best friend and I showed true exemplary behavior when we had to part. CS: Parting can be a difficult thing, especially when from your hometown, your stuffed animal and your best friend. But sometimes it is those types of pain that help you learn.
CP: Whether it’s leaving, parting or saying goodbye, no one wants to talk or think about it (Periodic Sentence). Writing this essay made me realize that even though I have a nice life now, that could all change and I am glad I have the experiences I had so they can help me get through those tough times.
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SELF ASSESSMENT:
1. Writing issues I am continuing to work on: I am continuing to work on using my FAST words aptly. Lately I have been falling back into the habit of having them not make sense and I think this is something that can be easily fixed.
2. Some strong points I see: I really liked the quotes I used, those were very apt. I also liked the chunk I wrote about Elena. I feel as though it flows quite well.
3. Some weak points I see: A weak point I see is my transitions. I feel as though I could have done a better job inserting them into my paper. Hopefully in my next essay I can use more transitions and enhance my writing.
4. Grade I would give myself: B+
Mr. Salsich
English 9
11 May 2009
Parting is Never Easy:
An Essay on Two Poems and My Life
OP: Parting forever- an awful combination of feeling and emotion is something no one should have to deal with(Loose Sentence). Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is say goodbye, especially to the ones you love most. The poem “My life closed twice” by Emily Dickinson, “Adios” by Naomi Shihab Nye and my life have a lot to do with this parting process and what it really is and means.
TS: Leaving something important is not an easy thing. In the poem “My life closed twice” by Emily Dickinson, the poem talks about parting with the earth. SD: The poem states that life is “so huge, [and] so hopeless to conceive” all at once, so we should take time to realize the joys that it brings. CM: She seems to be saying that if all you do in life is rush, then you will never have the time to enjoy it. CM: You will never have time to learn and be human, instead your life closes. SD: The last way this poem relates to parting, is death. CM: In the end of the poem Ms. Dickinson states “Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.” CM: This statement is saying that there is a place for everyone in the afterlife and that parting is a stage of life that everyone must go through whether you think it is pleasant or not. CS: Parting can mean different things. It can be about parting with your feelings in life or it can be about parting this very earth. But even if you haven’t felt that sense of parting, you will because it’s a part of life.
TS: Adios in Spanish means goodbye and goodbye could be said in many different contexts. TS2: In the poem “Adios” by Naomi Shihab Nye, there is a lot to do with parting. SD: In the poem, Ms. Nye states that “the word explains itself.” CM: I agree with Ms. Nye because parting and adios do have the same meaning, and in the same situation, they could have the same effect. CM: Both words could be taken lightly or could be taken quite harshly, but in the end they are the same word. SD: The last way this poem relates to parting is when Ms. Nye writes “it is a good word.” CM: I agree with this statement because in some cases saying goodbye is a good thing even though it may not be easy. CM: I know that coming up in June it is going to be extremely difficult to say goodbye to all of these wonderful people, but maybe our distance will bring us closer. CS: Whether it is saying adios or simply parting, it is all part of your life and you simply must deal with it even though it may not be the easiest thing in the world.
TS: In my life I have had to part with many people and objects, and it’s never easy. SD: Since I was born I lived in the big town of Stamford, Connecticut and I knew this place as nothing other than home. CM: In June of 2004, I can remember being dismissed from my fourth grade classroom early and making my rounds around the school to say goodbye to all of the people I have come to known and love. CM: As I strolled diligently through the hallway, it became clear to me that I was never going to enter the doors of Newfield Elementary School and I was now on my own. SD: Another event that required me to part was when I had to give up my stuffed animal dog named Snuggles, due to me becoming a “big girl”. CM: Snuggles was not only a friendship dog, but a companion. CM: I can remember the night before coming to Pine Point and just squeezing Snuggles hoping he could turn my pain into something positive. CM: Although he didn’t have that power, I knew he was by my side. SD: Lastly, a situation that caused me to part was when my best friend Elena moved to California. CM: Elena and I were basically brought together at birth. CM: We learned to walk together, we talked a secret language together and even created a T.V. show together, we were sisters. CM: I still look back on those memories and miss Elena dearly. CM: She was the definition of a true best friend and I showed true exemplary behavior when we had to part. CS: Parting can be a difficult thing, especially when from your hometown, your stuffed animal and your best friend. But sometimes it is those types of pain that help you learn.
CP: Whether it’s leaving, parting or saying goodbye, no one wants to talk or think about it (Periodic Sentence). Writing this essay made me realize that even though I have a nice life now, that could all change and I am glad I have the experiences I had so they can help me get through those tough times.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SELF ASSESSMENT:
1. Writing issues I am continuing to work on: I am continuing to work on using my FAST words aptly. Lately I have been falling back into the habit of having them not make sense and I think this is something that can be easily fixed.
2. Some strong points I see: I really liked the quotes I used, those were very apt. I also liked the chunk I wrote about Elena. I feel as though it flows quite well.
3. Some weak points I see: A weak point I see is my transitions. I feel as though I could have done a better job inserting them into my paper. Hopefully in my next essay I can use more transitions and enhance my writing.
4. Grade I would give myself: B+
Olivia's Essay
Olivia Denison
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 12th, 2009
The Outcomes of Being Separated:
An Essay about Parting in a Song and Two Poems
Many people experience a parting or ending in their life more than once. It’s important to remember that life goes on and that with every ending or parting comes a new beginning. Endings, beginnings and partings are exhibited (FAST) in the song “The Mortician’s Daughter” by The Black Veil Brides, and in the poem “Adios”, by Naomi Shihab Nye, and Emily Dickinson’s poem, “My life closed twice before its close.”
One of my favorite songs is “The Mortician’s Daughter” by The Black Veil Brides. The song talks about parting and then coming back together. In the song, the composer talks about how much he “love[s] [her] more than [he] can ever scream.” When he sings about their leaving each other, with every word of the song you can feel the composer’s great sadness. (PERIODIC) He laments “this pain it visits almost nightly.” He possesses a “patience of eternity” as he “sit[s] there and smile[s] […] because [he] think[s] of [her].” He has to wait for a while for them to be reunited (FAST), but he knows she will come back to him eventually. (LOOSE) Everything is different without her. The world feels empty; it’s “a universal still.” He said he “loved [her] as he left [her] [and] regrets still haunt [his] hollow head but [he] promised [her], [he] would see [her] again.” He regrets leaving her, but he feels that leaving is necessary as it seems as if they are both leaving each other. They think about each other everyday and have faith that one day they will be together again. This comes to fruition (FAST) when he declares “I promised you and now I’m home again.” Imagine the joy both of them must feel when they see each other’s faces again. The world is finally moving again, and they both don’t have any more regrets. They are together again.
In the poem “Adios”, Naomi Shihab Nye tells us that before leaving, you should become familiar and rehearse what you are going to say before you depart. By doing so, your departure becomes easier on everyone. Familiarize yourself with the word, “Use it. Learn where it begins” so it’s easy to say when needed. When you say “goodbye”, put all you have into it and “think of what you love best, / what brings tears to your eyes.” The word goodbye “roll[s] off the tongue” and says never forget me. Once you say “goodbye” and once you know how to say it, you begin to master it, “lessons following lessons.” When you say the word, let your exit be memorable, “let it be the way you rise out of sight / when your work is finished.” Make people remember you saying “goodbye”, and let them repeat it in their heads, let the word “linger.” Let there be a “silence” after you say this word; that is how you know people are pondering (FAST) what was just said. The character in “The Mortician’s Daughter” follows Nye’s advice. He put everything he had into saying goodbye. As he leaves, he avows (FAST) he loves the girl. These words “linger” as she replays them over and over again in her mind.
In the poem, “My life closed twice before its close,” Emily Dickinson writes about endings. The title and the first line of the poem indicate that during her life, Dickinson has endured two painful endings. These events were so painful that at the time it felt as if her life had ended. Dickinson wonders if death will cause as much pain as the two previous endings: “It yet remains to see / If Immortality unveil / A third event to me / So huge, so hopeless to conceive, / As these that twice befell.” However, Dickinson infers that partings are bittersweet. She writes, “Parting is all we know of heaven, / And all we need of hell.” Partings are sometimes necessary and beneficial, because they remove us from a difficult situation. However, being apart from those you love can be painful. The character in The Mortician’s Daughter also realizes this after he is separated from the girl he loves.
Everybody hopes to be remembered after they are gone. They hope that their actions and words will transcend (FAST) time and be remembered, giving comfort to those they leave behind.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Self Assessment
Writing Issues I’m continuing working on.
I’m continuing to work on making my tools apt, because sometimes I have trouble knowing of they are. Also, I’m working on summing my essay up well.
Some strong points I see.
I use my quotes, I think, very well. Also I feel that I explained my thoughts on everything, mostly, well.
Some weak points I see.
Conversely, to my above comment I also think I used too many quotes in the third paragraph. I also think that my whole essay does not connect very well.
Grade I would give myself.
B+
Mr. Salsich
English 9
May 12th, 2009
The Outcomes of Being Separated:
An Essay about Parting in a Song and Two Poems
Many people experience a parting or ending in their life more than once. It’s important to remember that life goes on and that with every ending or parting comes a new beginning. Endings, beginnings and partings are exhibited (FAST) in the song “The Mortician’s Daughter” by The Black Veil Brides, and in the poem “Adios”, by Naomi Shihab Nye, and Emily Dickinson’s poem, “My life closed twice before its close.”
One of my favorite songs is “The Mortician’s Daughter” by The Black Veil Brides. The song talks about parting and then coming back together. In the song, the composer talks about how much he “love[s] [her] more than [he] can ever scream.” When he sings about their leaving each other, with every word of the song you can feel the composer’s great sadness. (PERIODIC) He laments “this pain it visits almost nightly.” He possesses a “patience of eternity” as he “sit[s] there and smile[s] […] because [he] think[s] of [her].” He has to wait for a while for them to be reunited (FAST), but he knows she will come back to him eventually. (LOOSE) Everything is different without her. The world feels empty; it’s “a universal still.” He said he “loved [her] as he left [her] [and] regrets still haunt [his] hollow head but [he] promised [her], [he] would see [her] again.” He regrets leaving her, but he feels that leaving is necessary as it seems as if they are both leaving each other. They think about each other everyday and have faith that one day they will be together again. This comes to fruition (FAST) when he declares “I promised you and now I’m home again.” Imagine the joy both of them must feel when they see each other’s faces again. The world is finally moving again, and they both don’t have any more regrets. They are together again.
In the poem “Adios”, Naomi Shihab Nye tells us that before leaving, you should become familiar and rehearse what you are going to say before you depart. By doing so, your departure becomes easier on everyone. Familiarize yourself with the word, “Use it. Learn where it begins” so it’s easy to say when needed. When you say “goodbye”, put all you have into it and “think of what you love best, / what brings tears to your eyes.” The word goodbye “roll[s] off the tongue” and says never forget me. Once you say “goodbye” and once you know how to say it, you begin to master it, “lessons following lessons.” When you say the word, let your exit be memorable, “let it be the way you rise out of sight / when your work is finished.” Make people remember you saying “goodbye”, and let them repeat it in their heads, let the word “linger.” Let there be a “silence” after you say this word; that is how you know people are pondering (FAST) what was just said. The character in “The Mortician’s Daughter” follows Nye’s advice. He put everything he had into saying goodbye. As he leaves, he avows (FAST) he loves the girl. These words “linger” as she replays them over and over again in her mind.
In the poem, “My life closed twice before its close,” Emily Dickinson writes about endings. The title and the first line of the poem indicate that during her life, Dickinson has endured two painful endings. These events were so painful that at the time it felt as if her life had ended. Dickinson wonders if death will cause as much pain as the two previous endings: “It yet remains to see / If Immortality unveil / A third event to me / So huge, so hopeless to conceive, / As these that twice befell.” However, Dickinson infers that partings are bittersweet. She writes, “Parting is all we know of heaven, / And all we need of hell.” Partings are sometimes necessary and beneficial, because they remove us from a difficult situation. However, being apart from those you love can be painful. The character in The Mortician’s Daughter also realizes this after he is separated from the girl he loves.
Everybody hopes to be remembered after they are gone. They hope that their actions and words will transcend (FAST) time and be remembered, giving comfort to those they leave behind.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Self Assessment
Writing Issues I’m continuing working on.
I’m continuing to work on making my tools apt, because sometimes I have trouble knowing of they are. Also, I’m working on summing my essay up well.
Some strong points I see.
I use my quotes, I think, very well. Also I feel that I explained my thoughts on everything, mostly, well.
Some weak points I see.
Conversely, to my above comment I also think I used too many quotes in the third paragraph. I also think that my whole essay does not connect very well.
Grade I would give myself.
B+
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Eleanor's Polished Essay #17
Eleanor Hilton
English 9
Mr. Salsich
April 28th 2009
Sorrow and Disappointment:
The Comparison of a Poem, a Short Story, and My Life
Before you can appreciate love you need to have experienced sorrow and disappointment. Before you can appreciate kindness you need to have experienced sorrow and disappointment. Before you can appreciate excitement you need to have experienced sorrow and disappointment. (Parallelism) The short story “Winter Dreams”, the poem “Kindness”, and my life have a lot in common and this example is just one of them.
TS. The short story “Winter Dreams” by F. Scott Fitzgerald goes through a lot of emotional ups and downs. SD. At the beginning of the story Dexter, an assiduous but distracted man, quits his job as a caddy. (Appositive, SAT word and Antithesis) CM. “The little girl who had done this was [Judy Jones]” and for the rest of Dexter’s life that would be the way it was. CM. He would give up everything for her- his wealth, his riches, his career, his well known name, everything. (loose) CM. This would go on, for entire summers, until Dexter realized he couldn’t have her. CM. Judy Jones would be the single thing in his life that he didn’t get. SD. He tried taking his mind off her by marrying some-one else, but in the future when they were both old and both married, Dexter found out that the “great beauty” that stole his heart away was now no more than “all right.”. CM. The story ends here, and as sad as it sounds, it’s not. Dexter wouldn’t have been happy with Judy. CM. She jumped from man to man like there was no tomorrow, and the sole reason that Dexter loved Judy was because she was a “glittering thing”, it wasn’t the personality, or anything else. CS. By understanding what was right and what was wrong, Dexter Green was able to fix his life, even though at first sight it looked a lot worse.
TS. Like the short story, the poem “Kindness” by Naomi Shihab Nye also moves up, down, left and right emotionally. SD. It seems, after reading the poem over a few times, that Ms. Nye went to India after a tragedy that happened in her life. CM. “Before you know what kindness really is / you must lose things,” she puts this at the beginning at her poem and I find that it has a strong connection to “Winter Dreams”. CM. Dexter had to lose it all before he appreciated the love he had, and Naomi Shihab Nye had to lose something before she appreciated kindness. SD. Also, like “Winter Dreams”, the poem ends on a good note, “[when] kindness […] raises its head”. CM. Kindness after a long journey finally reveals itself to help you finish the last leg of the journey. CS. When you have crossed the finish line “it goes with you everywhere / like a shadow or a friend.”, to keep telling you how far you’ve come and what benevolent and opulent (SAT words) things are to come of the dark pit you called your sorrow.
TS. At the end of eighth grade everything was ready for me to move up to the upper math group. SD. I had planned it out and knew what I would be learning when. CM. I was excited because I thought that in the next year I would be learning math, as fast as I needed to. CM. Unfortunately it was a lot harder than I thought, without a teacher it took a lot longer to learn the certain skills and keep them in my head. SD. I also became stuck with the flow of summer- getting up late, having a swim, doing hardly any work. (Loose) CM. When the test came around I did okay but it didn’t match up to the 85% mark by a few points, my hopes had fallen. CM. I felt like I had lost a great battle, which was silly, and soon enough, like the poem and the short story, I was back on my feet. CS. Sure all the hours, problems, studying and lessons were for nothing, I would be re-learning everything I had done that summer, but it didn’t matter to me, I will get to Algebra 2 next year. (Tetracolon Climax)
Life has disappointments, we all know that. It’s what we choose to say and do after that disappointment is what shapes us for the future.
English 9
Mr. Salsich
April 28th 2009
Sorrow and Disappointment:
The Comparison of a Poem, a Short Story, and My Life
Before you can appreciate love you need to have experienced sorrow and disappointment. Before you can appreciate kindness you need to have experienced sorrow and disappointment. Before you can appreciate excitement you need to have experienced sorrow and disappointment. (Parallelism) The short story “Winter Dreams”, the poem “Kindness”, and my life have a lot in common and this example is just one of them.
TS. The short story “Winter Dreams” by F. Scott Fitzgerald goes through a lot of emotional ups and downs. SD. At the beginning of the story Dexter, an assiduous but distracted man, quits his job as a caddy. (Appositive, SAT word and Antithesis) CM. “The little girl who had done this was [Judy Jones]” and for the rest of Dexter’s life that would be the way it was. CM. He would give up everything for her- his wealth, his riches, his career, his well known name, everything. (loose) CM. This would go on, for entire summers, until Dexter realized he couldn’t have her. CM. Judy Jones would be the single thing in his life that he didn’t get. SD. He tried taking his mind off her by marrying some-one else, but in the future when they were both old and both married, Dexter found out that the “great beauty” that stole his heart away was now no more than “all right.”. CM. The story ends here, and as sad as it sounds, it’s not. Dexter wouldn’t have been happy with Judy. CM. She jumped from man to man like there was no tomorrow, and the sole reason that Dexter loved Judy was because she was a “glittering thing”, it wasn’t the personality, or anything else. CS. By understanding what was right and what was wrong, Dexter Green was able to fix his life, even though at first sight it looked a lot worse.
TS. Like the short story, the poem “Kindness” by Naomi Shihab Nye also moves up, down, left and right emotionally. SD. It seems, after reading the poem over a few times, that Ms. Nye went to India after a tragedy that happened in her life. CM. “Before you know what kindness really is / you must lose things,” she puts this at the beginning at her poem and I find that it has a strong connection to “Winter Dreams”. CM. Dexter had to lose it all before he appreciated the love he had, and Naomi Shihab Nye had to lose something before she appreciated kindness. SD. Also, like “Winter Dreams”, the poem ends on a good note, “[when] kindness […] raises its head”. CM. Kindness after a long journey finally reveals itself to help you finish the last leg of the journey. CS. When you have crossed the finish line “it goes with you everywhere / like a shadow or a friend.”, to keep telling you how far you’ve come and what benevolent and opulent (SAT words) things are to come of the dark pit you called your sorrow.
TS. At the end of eighth grade everything was ready for me to move up to the upper math group. SD. I had planned it out and knew what I would be learning when. CM. I was excited because I thought that in the next year I would be learning math, as fast as I needed to. CM. Unfortunately it was a lot harder than I thought, without a teacher it took a lot longer to learn the certain skills and keep them in my head. SD. I also became stuck with the flow of summer- getting up late, having a swim, doing hardly any work. (Loose) CM. When the test came around I did okay but it didn’t match up to the 85% mark by a few points, my hopes had fallen. CM. I felt like I had lost a great battle, which was silly, and soon enough, like the poem and the short story, I was back on my feet. CS. Sure all the hours, problems, studying and lessons were for nothing, I would be re-learning everything I had done that summer, but it didn’t matter to me, I will get to Algebra 2 next year. (Tetracolon Climax)
Life has disappointments, we all know that. It’s what we choose to say and do after that disappointment is what shapes us for the future.
Hannah's Essay (no tools)
Hannah Staley
Mr. Salsich
English 9
30 April 2009
Kindess:
An Essay on a Poem, a Short Story and My Life
OP: Kindness is not everywhere. You cannot simply show kindness or feel kindness. It is something that is evanescent and when you find it, embrace it. In the short story “Winter Dreams,” there are many examples of kindness. In my life, I have experienced kindness from family, friends and even strangers. In the poem “Kindness,” there are many examples and demonstrations of kindness.
TS: In the poem “Kindness,” Ms. Nye is diligent when expressing that there are different sorts of kindness. SD: The first demonstration of kindness is when Ms. Nye talks about loosing things. CM: In order for a person to show kindness, they must loose something sentimental to them so they know how it feels. CM: While a person is grieving, it is the job of friends and family to help by showing acts of kindness. SD: The second sort of kindness is simply to be kind to yourself. CM: Sometimes, when you realize you have done well, you need to treat yourself. CM: In the end of the poem, Ms. Nye expresses this by saying it “goes with you everywhere like a shadow or a friend.” CM: She is stating that although you may not always be in the best mood or be having a great day, what it comes down to is treating yourself with kindness.”
TS: Naomi Shihab Nye, a serious writer, a talented woman and a true poet, relates her poem “Kindness” in many ways to the short story “Winter Dreams” (loose sentence). SD: The poem relates to “Winter Dreams” because of how Dexter lost Judy Jones, sassy and determined, the love of his life (appositive). CM: When Ms. Nye writes “How you ride and ride/thinking the bus will never stop,” this can relate back to when Dexter never wanted his time with Judy to end. CM: Ms. Nye might be writing about something different, but these lines also apply to Dexter and how he comes to realize that “you must loose things.” SD: The second way these writings connect is when Ms. Nye writes “It is you I have been looking for.” CM: This line might not seem like much but it ties into the beginning of “Winters Dreams” when Dexter was a lonely boy. CM: Dexter was longing for someone to be with him and to love him and, until the relationship came to a sudden halt that is what happened with Judy Jones. CS: Although “Winters Dreams” doesn’t have much to do with “kindness,” when you examine the poem there are similarities.
TS: My life has many ups and downs, some more significant, some more serious and some that just take time to work through (loose sentence). TS2: In the poem “Kindness” there are many examples that relate to my ups and downs. SD: When Ms. Nye writes “you must lose things,” I can relate. CM: I have lost many things that are dear to me, like my best friend Elena. CM: In the fourth grade she moved to California and my life hasn’t been the same since. CM: Although we talk, it’s not the same as seeing her and getting together to have girl time. SD: The second thing I have lost is family members. CM: In the summer of 2004, we got a call saying my grandfather had died. CM: Being only in the fourth grade, I didn’t know how to deal with death, especially since everything happened suddenly and we were supposed to see him the next day to go on a family vacation. CM: But it was the reverence of the people we knew that made our grieving a little bit easier. CS: Whether it is from loosing a friend or family member, it is always the kindness of people around you that makes difficult times easier.
CP: Whether it is a short story, whether it is a poem, whether it is my life or whether it is all three, kindness is everywhere (Tetracolon climax). It comes in different amounts and is expressed in different ways. One person may find it within another, one may find it through their ups and downs and one may find it in a poem. But through it all, kindness is universal and shows others how you want it to be shown to you.
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Self- Assessment
1. What are you most proud of in this essay?
In this essay I think i did a good job of keeping my sentences tight. This has been something I have been trying to improve in my writing and I think I am almost there.
2. What was the hardest part of the assignment for you?
The hardest part of this assignment would have been all of the requirements. I found it diffucult finding space to fit everything and I feel as though my essay has to many tools.
Grade I give myself: B+
Mr. Salsich
English 9
30 April 2009
Kindess:
An Essay on a Poem, a Short Story and My Life
OP: Kindness is not everywhere. You cannot simply show kindness or feel kindness. It is something that is evanescent and when you find it, embrace it. In the short story “Winter Dreams,” there are many examples of kindness. In my life, I have experienced kindness from family, friends and even strangers. In the poem “Kindness,” there are many examples and demonstrations of kindness.
TS: In the poem “Kindness,” Ms. Nye is diligent when expressing that there are different sorts of kindness. SD: The first demonstration of kindness is when Ms. Nye talks about loosing things. CM: In order for a person to show kindness, they must loose something sentimental to them so they know how it feels. CM: While a person is grieving, it is the job of friends and family to help by showing acts of kindness. SD: The second sort of kindness is simply to be kind to yourself. CM: Sometimes, when you realize you have done well, you need to treat yourself. CM: In the end of the poem, Ms. Nye expresses this by saying it “goes with you everywhere like a shadow or a friend.” CM: She is stating that although you may not always be in the best mood or be having a great day, what it comes down to is treating yourself with kindness.”
TS: Naomi Shihab Nye, a serious writer, a talented woman and a true poet, relates her poem “Kindness” in many ways to the short story “Winter Dreams” (loose sentence). SD: The poem relates to “Winter Dreams” because of how Dexter lost Judy Jones, sassy and determined, the love of his life (appositive). CM: When Ms. Nye writes “How you ride and ride/thinking the bus will never stop,” this can relate back to when Dexter never wanted his time with Judy to end. CM: Ms. Nye might be writing about something different, but these lines also apply to Dexter and how he comes to realize that “you must loose things.” SD: The second way these writings connect is when Ms. Nye writes “It is you I have been looking for.” CM: This line might not seem like much but it ties into the beginning of “Winters Dreams” when Dexter was a lonely boy. CM: Dexter was longing for someone to be with him and to love him and, until the relationship came to a sudden halt that is what happened with Judy Jones. CS: Although “Winters Dreams” doesn’t have much to do with “kindness,” when you examine the poem there are similarities.
TS: My life has many ups and downs, some more significant, some more serious and some that just take time to work through (loose sentence). TS2: In the poem “Kindness” there are many examples that relate to my ups and downs. SD: When Ms. Nye writes “you must lose things,” I can relate. CM: I have lost many things that are dear to me, like my best friend Elena. CM: In the fourth grade she moved to California and my life hasn’t been the same since. CM: Although we talk, it’s not the same as seeing her and getting together to have girl time. SD: The second thing I have lost is family members. CM: In the summer of 2004, we got a call saying my grandfather had died. CM: Being only in the fourth grade, I didn’t know how to deal with death, especially since everything happened suddenly and we were supposed to see him the next day to go on a family vacation. CM: But it was the reverence of the people we knew that made our grieving a little bit easier. CS: Whether it is from loosing a friend or family member, it is always the kindness of people around you that makes difficult times easier.
CP: Whether it is a short story, whether it is a poem, whether it is my life or whether it is all three, kindness is everywhere (Tetracolon climax). It comes in different amounts and is expressed in different ways. One person may find it within another, one may find it through their ups and downs and one may find it in a poem. But through it all, kindness is universal and shows others how you want it to be shown to you.
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Self- Assessment
1. What are you most proud of in this essay?
In this essay I think i did a good job of keeping my sentences tight. This has been something I have been trying to improve in my writing and I think I am almost there.
2. What was the hardest part of the assignment for you?
The hardest part of this assignment would have been all of the requirements. I found it diffucult finding space to fit everything and I feel as though my essay has to many tools.
Grade I give myself: B+
Olivia's Essay that she really didn't want to do but forced herself to do it
Olivia Denison
Mr. Salsich
April 29, 2009
English 9
What is Kindness? :
Finding Kindness in a Poem, a Story, and My Life
Kindness may be expressed in many different ways. There are little gestures like picking up something for someone, and then there are greater acts of kindness. For instance, another person can comfort them with advice and compassion (SAT) when someone is experiencing personal hardships. (LOOSE) This system of support is a main idea in the poem “Kindness”, the story “Winter Dreams” and my own life.
TS In the poem “Kindness”, the author Naomi Shihab Nye gets right to the point in the first line of the poem and declares, “before you know what kindness is/ you must lose things/.” SD We might experience acts of kindness everyday, but what she contends is that we really don’t know what “real” kindness is until something bad happens. CM We do not, everyday, experience the kindness when a loved one passes and a person comes to our side in support and offers advice. CM Sometimes we feel as though kindness is unattainable, and we’re stuck in the middle, “between the regions of kindness/.” (TETRA COLON) SD When we are feeling sad we may “feel the future dissolve in a moment/.” CM We feel as if our whole world has come crashing down, and no one cares. CM It is isolating, but when someone comes along and helps us out of our pit of sorrow, it can be very uplifting. CS Always remember, that there is probably someone there for us.
TS In the story “Winter Dreams”, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, the main character, Dexter, witnesses a different sort of kindness. (APPOSITIVE) SD Dexter’s life fluctuates like a graph, exhibiting losses and gains. CM During the story, he loses the girl of his dreams several times, ultimately losing her in the end forever. CM Dexter did not have a support system to help him through this painful journey. SD At the end of the story, Dexter is talking to a man who explains to him that he has lost the love of his life one final time. CM Kindness has taken the form of honesty, but its tough reality has taken a toll on Dexter. CM Although we have no idea what happened to Dexter, his past suggests that he will carry on, but in a lonely misery. CS Honesty is a form of kindness, and although it might be harsh, its lessons can be life-changing.
TS Just like in the story “Winter Dreams”, by F. Scott Fitzgerald and the poem “Kindness”, by Naomi Shihab Nye, I have experienced kindness in times of need. SD The most memorable time that I have felt kindness was when my grandmother died. CM Friends were offering to treat my sister and I to dinner or the movies. CM The grandest act of kindness I witnessed was toward my mother. SD She received an adulation (SAT) of cards and flowers and a lot of people even prepared food. CM One person in particular offered advice on how to carry on, and had empathy (SAT), because she had lost a loved one as well. CM I found this very comforting when I saw how much this woman cared about my mother to actually support her in this way.(LOOSE) CS Every time I am upset about something, one of my friends is there to help me through it, even if it’s something insignificant.
Have faith that when you feel that you’ve lost so much, that someone in your life will support you. It can be devastating when something bad happens, but always realize that something good can come from something bad.
Self Assessment
Writing Issues I’m continuing working on.
Using tools apptly is one thing that I have trouble with especially appositvies. Also actualyl writing not the way that i talk.
Some strong points I see.
I definitely did a good job checking over my work. The SAT words that I used I think fit well with the sentence I used them in.
Some weak points I see.
I don't think I used the "/" right. Then again maybe I did. Also my tools might be a little off.
Grade I would give myself.
c+
Mr. Salsich
April 29, 2009
English 9
What is Kindness? :
Finding Kindness in a Poem, a Story, and My Life
Kindness may be expressed in many different ways. There are little gestures like picking up something for someone, and then there are greater acts of kindness. For instance, another person can comfort them with advice and compassion (SAT) when someone is experiencing personal hardships. (LOOSE) This system of support is a main idea in the poem “Kindness”, the story “Winter Dreams” and my own life.
TS In the poem “Kindness”, the author Naomi Shihab Nye gets right to the point in the first line of the poem and declares, “before you know what kindness is/ you must lose things/.” SD We might experience acts of kindness everyday, but what she contends is that we really don’t know what “real” kindness is until something bad happens. CM We do not, everyday, experience the kindness when a loved one passes and a person comes to our side in support and offers advice. CM Sometimes we feel as though kindness is unattainable, and we’re stuck in the middle, “between the regions of kindness/.” (TETRA COLON) SD When we are feeling sad we may “feel the future dissolve in a moment/.” CM We feel as if our whole world has come crashing down, and no one cares. CM It is isolating, but when someone comes along and helps us out of our pit of sorrow, it can be very uplifting. CS Always remember, that there is probably someone there for us.
TS In the story “Winter Dreams”, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, the main character, Dexter, witnesses a different sort of kindness. (APPOSITIVE) SD Dexter’s life fluctuates like a graph, exhibiting losses and gains. CM During the story, he loses the girl of his dreams several times, ultimately losing her in the end forever. CM Dexter did not have a support system to help him through this painful journey. SD At the end of the story, Dexter is talking to a man who explains to him that he has lost the love of his life one final time. CM Kindness has taken the form of honesty, but its tough reality has taken a toll on Dexter. CM Although we have no idea what happened to Dexter, his past suggests that he will carry on, but in a lonely misery. CS Honesty is a form of kindness, and although it might be harsh, its lessons can be life-changing.
TS Just like in the story “Winter Dreams”, by F. Scott Fitzgerald and the poem “Kindness”, by Naomi Shihab Nye, I have experienced kindness in times of need. SD The most memorable time that I have felt kindness was when my grandmother died. CM Friends were offering to treat my sister and I to dinner or the movies. CM The grandest act of kindness I witnessed was toward my mother. SD She received an adulation (SAT) of cards and flowers and a lot of people even prepared food. CM One person in particular offered advice on how to carry on, and had empathy (SAT), because she had lost a loved one as well. CM I found this very comforting when I saw how much this woman cared about my mother to actually support her in this way.(LOOSE) CS Every time I am upset about something, one of my friends is there to help me through it, even if it’s something insignificant.
Have faith that when you feel that you’ve lost so much, that someone in your life will support you. It can be devastating when something bad happens, but always realize that something good can come from something bad.
Self Assessment
Writing Issues I’m continuing working on.
Using tools apptly is one thing that I have trouble with especially appositvies. Also actualyl writing not the way that i talk.
Some strong points I see.
I definitely did a good job checking over my work. The SAT words that I used I think fit well with the sentence I used them in.
Some weak points I see.
I don't think I used the "/" right. Then again maybe I did. Also my tools might be a little off.
Grade I would give myself.
c+
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Hannah's Polished Essay
Hannah Staley
English 9
Mr. Salsich
April 26, 2009
Sentimentality in Everything:
An Essay on Two Poems and a Passage from a Short Story
OP: Three different situations that are all connected. How you ask? Well simply by the word sentimental. The word sentimental is universal and means different things to different people. One person may cherish a book; one may cherish a piece of jewelry. In this essay, I am comparing a passage from a short story and two poems to the word sentimental. It wasn’t obvious at first but upon more examination I found some examples of true sentimentality.
TS: Caring deeply for each other, is sentimental (Participle phrase). You may fight, but at the end of the day it comes down to loving one another, enjoying each others company and knowing that your sibling often knows what you are thinking and mean to say. The word “sentimental” connects well to the second passage in “The Garden Party.” SD: “Sentimental” connects these two writings through Laura and her brother’s relationship. CM: It is sentimental because they comfort each other through tough times like death. CM: It is also sentimental that through comforting one another their relationship grows stronger and they bond. SD: The last way the passage is “sentimental” relates to the timing of everything. CM: Knowing that her brother made the effort to comfort her and that he really cared about her needs is special since not many siblings make such a beautiful gesture. CM: Laura’s behavior gives you a sense of how exemplary (SAT) their relationship is and what a good team they make. CS: Siblings don’t always get along, but the moment Laura and her brother share is special and full of sentiment.
TS: Stinking and strong, even an onion can have sentimental value (Participle phrase). SD: In the poem “The Traveling Onion” by Naomi Shihab Nye, the onion goes on many journeys, including one to the chopping block. CM: Once the onion arrived to the chopping block, a sentimental place for many chefs, its memories of the long journey there began to fade away (Appositive). CM: The aromas and layers that once gave this onion life were all gone and being merged with new ingredients. SD: Another sentimental element is the onion’s character. CM: An onion is an intrepid (SAT) vegetable and without it our diets would be dull. CM: In fact, many of the foods we eat would be bland and tasteless. CM: It’s as though we cook this vegetable for “the sake of others” so they can experience the flavors as well. CS: From death to an onion it’s all a big journey but within these journeys will be memories full of sentimental value.
TS: After reading the poem by Emily Dickenson, I realized that being by yourself has sentimental value. SD: Often it is nice to be by yourself and decompress. CM: It’s good to feel as if you are invisible and in total isolation. CM: It’s nice to feel this was because it can be “dreary to somebody” when all you get is attention. SD: Another reason why being nobody is sentimental is because you can break free. CM: When you are alone you don’t always need to feel “public” and you can simply enjoy life. CM: Also when you’re nobody you don’t need to feel invaded by people and you can do your own thing on your own time. CS: Being by yourself, like an onion, can be quite sentimental even though it may not be obvious at the first glance.
CP: Sentimentality, a universal word full of meaning, is found in almost every situation (Appositive). It may not be obvious at the first glance but it is there somewhere. In fact some of the memories that aren’t meaningful to you are the ones that end up staying with you forever. So whether it is mourning with a family member, a traveling onion or a poem on being nobody, it all has sentimental value.
English 9
Mr. Salsich
April 26, 2009
Sentimentality in Everything:
An Essay on Two Poems and a Passage from a Short Story
OP: Three different situations that are all connected. How you ask? Well simply by the word sentimental. The word sentimental is universal and means different things to different people. One person may cherish a book; one may cherish a piece of jewelry. In this essay, I am comparing a passage from a short story and two poems to the word sentimental. It wasn’t obvious at first but upon more examination I found some examples of true sentimentality.
TS: Caring deeply for each other, is sentimental (Participle phrase). You may fight, but at the end of the day it comes down to loving one another, enjoying each others company and knowing that your sibling often knows what you are thinking and mean to say. The word “sentimental” connects well to the second passage in “The Garden Party.” SD: “Sentimental” connects these two writings through Laura and her brother’s relationship. CM: It is sentimental because they comfort each other through tough times like death. CM: It is also sentimental that through comforting one another their relationship grows stronger and they bond. SD: The last way the passage is “sentimental” relates to the timing of everything. CM: Knowing that her brother made the effort to comfort her and that he really cared about her needs is special since not many siblings make such a beautiful gesture. CM: Laura’s behavior gives you a sense of how exemplary (SAT) their relationship is and what a good team they make. CS: Siblings don’t always get along, but the moment Laura and her brother share is special and full of sentiment.
TS: Stinking and strong, even an onion can have sentimental value (Participle phrase). SD: In the poem “The Traveling Onion” by Naomi Shihab Nye, the onion goes on many journeys, including one to the chopping block. CM: Once the onion arrived to the chopping block, a sentimental place for many chefs, its memories of the long journey there began to fade away (Appositive). CM: The aromas and layers that once gave this onion life were all gone and being merged with new ingredients. SD: Another sentimental element is the onion’s character. CM: An onion is an intrepid (SAT) vegetable and without it our diets would be dull. CM: In fact, many of the foods we eat would be bland and tasteless. CM: It’s as though we cook this vegetable for “the sake of others” so they can experience the flavors as well. CS: From death to an onion it’s all a big journey but within these journeys will be memories full of sentimental value.
TS: After reading the poem by Emily Dickenson, I realized that being by yourself has sentimental value. SD: Often it is nice to be by yourself and decompress. CM: It’s good to feel as if you are invisible and in total isolation. CM: It’s nice to feel this was because it can be “dreary to somebody” when all you get is attention. SD: Another reason why being nobody is sentimental is because you can break free. CM: When you are alone you don’t always need to feel “public” and you can simply enjoy life. CM: Also when you’re nobody you don’t need to feel invaded by people and you can do your own thing on your own time. CS: Being by yourself, like an onion, can be quite sentimental even though it may not be obvious at the first glance.
CP: Sentimentality, a universal word full of meaning, is found in almost every situation (Appositive). It may not be obvious at the first glance but it is there somewhere. In fact some of the memories that aren’t meaningful to you are the ones that end up staying with you forever. So whether it is mourning with a family member, a traveling onion or a poem on being nobody, it all has sentimental value.
Eleanor's Polished Essay #16
Eleanor Hilton
English 9
Mr. Salsich
April 20th 2009
A Balancing Act:
A Comparison between a Short Story and Two Poems on Sentimentalism
Our lives can be difficult to balance from time to time. Sometimes our thoughts are in the extreme, and other times there is so little to think about that it appears as if we don’t care. However, we need to find a balance between these two. There are two poems and a short story that I feel relate to this in the terms of being sentimental; “I’m Nobody”, “The Traveling Onion”, and “The Garden Party”.
TS: In the short story “The Garden Party” by Katherine Mansfield, the main character, Laura, is overly sentimental about a man, dirty from working in the mines and living a lower-class life, who has died. (participle) SD: She even goes to the point where she wants the party planned by her family to be cancelled. CM: “And just think of what the band would sound like to [that family]” she says. CM: It is good that Laura feels sorry for the family that has to endure a death; that is natural for a human. CM: However, “You [can’t] bring a drunken workman back by being sentimental.”. SD: Unfortunately Laura frets about the situation through her whole party, and only understands the lesson near the end of the story when she visits the home of the deceased man. CM: “It was simply marvelous” she states and I knew after reading that one line that the story was complete. CS: I know that Laura was just trying to be prudent (SAT), but she ended up pushing herself to the extreme.
TS: Another poem, “I’m Nobody” by Emily Dickinson, I feel, comes to quite a different conclusion. SD: It appears as if she doesn’t mind being “Nobody”, it appears as if the poem has nothing to do with being sentimental at all. CM: However I find the truth to be that she’s writing this poem to persuade herself of something. CM: To persuade herself that she doesn’t want or need to be “somebody”. CM: “How public like a frog” she, worried and confused, tells herself. (appositive) SD: At her home in London while writing, she probably saw thousands of nobles, dignified and pretentious (SAT) “somebody’s”, traveling along in their carriages wanting nothing to do with peasants. (appositive and parralellism) CM: This poem is a example of going down into the lower extreme of not caring at all, even going to the point to try to persuade herself not to even want to be important, or noticed, or cared for. CS: You need to care and feel; you can’t lock it up forever.
TS: Another poem “The Traveling Onion”, by Naomi Shihab Nye, moves to neither extreme, but finds itself at the middle. SD: In the first stanza she sums up the onion she is chopping for her stew. CM: She peels of the “crackly paper” and slices it down the middle “A history revealed”. CM: In the second stanza she writes how as important onion is it is never commented on, never thought of; but it’s the single part of the meal that pulls everything together. SD: Even though she discusses the onion through the entire poem, it never feels as if she is being overly sentimental about it. CM: She is just writing about one small vegetable making a big difference despite the fact it is not once mentioned. CM: Subtlely giving the meaning, this is one of the best ways to write poems. (participle) CS: It’s not too deep but you find yourself thinking about the words for a long time after.
Not every poem can be balanced in terms of being sentimental. And as long as there is something else the writing is balanced about everything works. With “The Garden Party” it could be friendship, with “I’m Nobody” it could be a silence, and I’m sure that “The Traveling Onion” has a quality that is not so balanced.
English 9
Mr. Salsich
April 20th 2009
A Balancing Act:
A Comparison between a Short Story and Two Poems on Sentimentalism
Our lives can be difficult to balance from time to time. Sometimes our thoughts are in the extreme, and other times there is so little to think about that it appears as if we don’t care. However, we need to find a balance between these two. There are two poems and a short story that I feel relate to this in the terms of being sentimental; “I’m Nobody”, “The Traveling Onion”, and “The Garden Party”.
TS: In the short story “The Garden Party” by Katherine Mansfield, the main character, Laura, is overly sentimental about a man, dirty from working in the mines and living a lower-class life, who has died. (participle) SD: She even goes to the point where she wants the party planned by her family to be cancelled. CM: “And just think of what the band would sound like to [that family]” she says. CM: It is good that Laura feels sorry for the family that has to endure a death; that is natural for a human. CM: However, “You [can’t] bring a drunken workman back by being sentimental.”. SD: Unfortunately Laura frets about the situation through her whole party, and only understands the lesson near the end of the story when she visits the home of the deceased man. CM: “It was simply marvelous” she states and I knew after reading that one line that the story was complete. CS: I know that Laura was just trying to be prudent (SAT), but she ended up pushing herself to the extreme.
TS: Another poem, “I’m Nobody” by Emily Dickinson, I feel, comes to quite a different conclusion. SD: It appears as if she doesn’t mind being “Nobody”, it appears as if the poem has nothing to do with being sentimental at all. CM: However I find the truth to be that she’s writing this poem to persuade herself of something. CM: To persuade herself that she doesn’t want or need to be “somebody”. CM: “How public like a frog” she, worried and confused, tells herself. (appositive) SD: At her home in London while writing, she probably saw thousands of nobles, dignified and pretentious (SAT) “somebody’s”, traveling along in their carriages wanting nothing to do with peasants. (appositive and parralellism) CM: This poem is a example of going down into the lower extreme of not caring at all, even going to the point to try to persuade herself not to even want to be important, or noticed, or cared for. CS: You need to care and feel; you can’t lock it up forever.
TS: Another poem “The Traveling Onion”, by Naomi Shihab Nye, moves to neither extreme, but finds itself at the middle. SD: In the first stanza she sums up the onion she is chopping for her stew. CM: She peels of the “crackly paper” and slices it down the middle “A history revealed”. CM: In the second stanza she writes how as important onion is it is never commented on, never thought of; but it’s the single part of the meal that pulls everything together. SD: Even though she discusses the onion through the entire poem, it never feels as if she is being overly sentimental about it. CM: She is just writing about one small vegetable making a big difference despite the fact it is not once mentioned. CM: Subtlely giving the meaning, this is one of the best ways to write poems. (participle) CS: It’s not too deep but you find yourself thinking about the words for a long time after.
Not every poem can be balanced in terms of being sentimental. And as long as there is something else the writing is balanced about everything works. With “The Garden Party” it could be friendship, with “I’m Nobody” it could be a silence, and I’m sure that “The Traveling Onion” has a quality that is not so balanced.
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